r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/bay_blades hot girls have tummy troubles • Aug 19 '26
Brain Dump 🧠 gang i think i might be lesbian
gang, i have this thought semi periodically because for a lot of my life i identified as bisexual or unlabelled
this weekend i was talking to my friend and i was telling her how genuinely grossed out i feel when men touch me like i genuinely do not like it. whenever i go on dates with men i don’t like it when they hold my hand or when they try to hug me or even kiss me.
i get grossed out by men VERY quickly. i wouldnt even say its like an ick, whenever i see an attractive man i can recognise hes attractive but like something in me just wants to go AWAY from them but i never feel that with women. also whenever i picture a perfect world i always picture myself married with a woman but i CANNOT picture myself genuinely married and happy with a man.
i just always get this feeling whenever im in a relationship or on a date with a man that im faking it and i cannot WAIT to be alone and away from them. im not sure i always feel bad for wanting to claim the label of lesbian because i feel not good enough but i genuinely just do not feel interested in men sexually.
guys pls do not bully me btw meal is loco moco, tis delicious.
EDIT TO ADD: a lot of people are asking me this and i thought it was implied but YES i have been on many of dates with women and with women i get butterflies, i feel shy but not really uncomfortable, and i generally feel less like im performing attraction and just being attracted.
idk how to describe it
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u/Fun-Common186 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 19 '26
It sounds like u may be One Of Us 😌😌✨✨ whatever u are ?????? It’s perfect and u deserve to be happy
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u/Fun-Common186 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 19 '26
Not good enough?! Nahhhh screw that. I get the feeling though and def went through a phase where I felt like a “fraud” lol
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u/bay_blades hot girls have tummy troubles Aug 19 '26
yesss like i know logically that’s not how labels work but UGH im just like “that’s a club i can’t join. im so sad from outside the club :(((“
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u/Fun-Common186 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 19 '26
That’s super interesting. Do you know whyyy u may feel that way? For me— I’ve never been w a man in any way, but I just feel like all lesbians are… cooler than me? Lmfao idk.
Walking into the lesbian bar is always terrifying I can feel my swamp ass every time (no joke luv) (but I’m brave and have had so many fun solo nights at lesbian bars mwuahahah)
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u/vamgoda 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Aug 20 '26
All the lesbians I know are also so much cooler than me! I feel so much more intimidated because they are so hot and cool and I am so . . . Me.
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u/Fun-Common186 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 20 '26
I feel the exact same way and would genuinely almost throw up before going to the lesbian bar in my city lmfao
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u/MacaroonLarge5012 For the Girls 👅 Aug 20 '26
I literallyyyyyyy had this same thought. “I love lesbians and I want to be among them but I can’t”
Anywho I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years now :)
I still feel like a fraud and like I’m “not gay enough” sometimes when I’m in queer spaces, but it’s becoming more rare. The sooner you accept it the sooner you can start getting over those imposter feelings
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u/Realistic_Rain_9173 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body Aug 19 '26
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u/ReadHorror299 APPROVED✨ Aug 19 '26
Comphet or compulsive heterosexuality! It’s ingrained in some of us so early it takes a while to untangle what we actually want and what we’ve been socially conditioned to want. As an older lady who saw no representation of anything other than heterosexuality (and a lot of judgment from my mom especially about single women lol) it took me some time to parse out what I wanted from what I tolerated at a result of conditioning. It’s great to be on the other side!
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u/Typical-Horror-1451 Chaotic But Cute Aug 19 '26
You might be lesbian but your reaction also overlaps trauma responses.
I'm a totally straight woman (I'm sure) but never had bad feeling when a woman touched me, or hugged me and i wanted to go away or felt the ick about it.
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u/Illustrious-Shine581 Resident Yapper Aug 20 '26
Yeah idk as a lesbian I don’t feel repulsed by men, I’m just simply not into them. But everyone experiences things differently so I’m not one to say what is right or wrong for someone
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u/beepbop110 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Aug 20 '26
It's the romantic intent that changes things though. I'm a lesbian and when my straight guy friends hug me or get close to me it's fine, but when a guy with clear intent wants my number or asks me on a date it makes my skin crawl.
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u/oregonbunny APPROVED✨ Aug 19 '26
I started perimenopause and the thought of anyone touching me ruffles my feathers.
Wondering if maybe I'm also autistic. Recently diagnosed with ADHD and I only like soft pants and quiet and cold rooms.
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u/medyomabait ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture Aug 20 '26
I’m waiting for the inevitable research showing that autistic afab folks start having a much harder time masking when perimenopause hits because let me tell you, for me and the people in my life, that shit is REAL. I simply cannot manage to mask while I’m sweating from the effort of (checks notes) plugging something into a hard to reach outlet? I’m overstimulated, my emotions are unmanageable and I do not have the resources to monitor my filter or make sure I’m not stimming.
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u/oregonbunny APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
I'm wondering if it gets even worse with full blown menopause. I do not think I can take any more or anyone. At my limit with everything.
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u/toadflax8848 🥣 Cereal Killer Aug 20 '26
No, it gets better. My last cycle was May of last year and right around May of this year it was like someone poured cool water on my whole brain. The rage, the overwhelm, the absolute inability to mask have all pretty much evaporated. I still get mild hot flashes especially if I eat spicy or have a lot of wine, it seems like my base temperature has increased. I used to need a sweater below 75 degrees and now I notice I'm chilly in my nightgown when it's 60 degrees. But menopause has been a breath of fresh air. I did retool some things during perimenopause to lower my chances of being overwhelmed, so I don't expect to get back to multitasking or high pressure situations like when I was fertile. But everything is better on the other side.💕
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u/oregonbunny APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
This actually gives me hope.
I'm doing all things I'm supposed to. I've been skipping my periods for years with birth control since they were so heavy and I asked my doctor the other day when I should get off of BC. She told me after 55. Then I panicked at the thought of having a baby at 55.
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u/MisakiDoll75 APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
Sounds just like me. My last relationship was 2.5 years ago, and I knew it wouldn’t last. I wasn’t physically attracted to him anymore. The thought of sex or even kissing him was a turn off. I’ve been happily single, but still have those friends trying to hook me up. “I love him for you!” Really? Because I don’t. The only way I can finally explain it to them is that I’m simply NOT attracted to these guys, like at all.
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u/oregonbunny APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
My mom said she would never marry again and she's 75. My dad died 15 years ago. Shes kinda lonely. Will never date or marry again. I didn't understand a few years after he passed. I get it now.
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u/PuzzleheadedBand8246 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 Aug 20 '26
I don't remember posting this 16 hours ago.
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u/GasStationTiefling Body By Cheese 🧀 Aug 19 '26
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u/AutisticTumourGirl Baker Bitch Aug 20 '26
Love that movie soooo much.
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u/KneecapsRaPrivilege 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 Aug 20 '26
What movie? Asking for myself.
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u/Conscious-Prior742 Wahala Witness 🍿 Aug 19 '26
As everyone is saying, whatever the label, IT SMELLS A LOT LIKE WOMEN LOVER IN HEREEEEE
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u/mercurioq 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 Aug 20 '26
sexuality labels are descriptive, not prescriptive.
if a label feels heavy right now, you can focus on experiencing what feels right for you. the label should fit you, not the other way around.
as a lesbian, of course it feels amazing to name myself as such. but this is just a consequence of how i feel being one! i love being a lesbian and doing lesbian stuff to/with other lesbians!!
also you shouldn't worry about being good enough... some of us are losers and/or actually evil and that's 👏🏾 okay 👏🏾 too 👏🏾
experimenting to find out who you are is part of life but there's no reason whatsoever why you should be going on dates with people who make you feel repulsed.
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
These little slogans may sound cute, but they carry with them a lot of harm
Much like the whole 'sexuality is fluid'. (It's not - gay people are born gay).
For example, as a lesbian my identity is not a chosen behaviour e.g. having lesbian sex or being in a lesbian relationship.
It's who I am, regardless of described behaviour. Because non-lesbian also have 'lesbian sex' and 2 bi women can be in a 'lesbian relationship'.
Lesbian describes a woman who is exclusively romantically and sexually attracted to the same sex.
If the 'label' accurately describes the individual, then that's perfect. Otherwise, it's not the right label. Words have meaning and it's really important non-homosexuals respect that, & not erase or endanger actual homosexuals like me, who are left to deal with the consequences of non lesbians calling themselves lesbians.
Just saying. We all know about Rachel Denzal, right?
Edit - language matters
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u/Mediocre-Victory-565 kiss my grits 💋 Aug 20 '26
Honey, please stop dating men. It's abundantly clear that you prefer the ladies. Stop wasting your time and that of the fellas. Be happy no matter what you think society 'expects' of you ❤️
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u/D-grith Internet Auntie Aug 19 '26
As a lesbian, lemme just say, you are such a fuckin lesbian
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u/Temporary-Concept-81 APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
You don't have to be the gayest woman on earth to be a lesbian.
To me the label just means that you've come to the conclusion that men aren't worth pursuing sexually or romantically, that you'd rather just focus on women.
But you get to decide what it means to you.
Anyhow, I wish ya success on your future relationships, whatever they look like.
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26 edited Aug 22 '26
It's not about who is and isn't worth pursuing, it's simply who we are. There is no "rather" There is no choice. No exceptions. We are born this way.
Lesbian is a gay woman, gay as in exclusively romantically and sexually attracted to the same-sex.
If this accurately describes OP then it fits.
Edit - homosexuality isn't a choice or a choose your own adventure type deal.
I recognise people may mean well but this kind of rhetoric supports lesbian erasure & conversion therapy.
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u/Cheesymop Fartmaxxing 📈 Aug 19 '26
I strongly believe that there is no such thing as a "not good enough" lesbian. If you feel like the label lesbian applies to you and makes you happy and makes you feel like you, use it! If not, it's totally okay remaining unlabeled (coming from an unlabeled sapphic woman). You sound like a lesbian to me, but if you're not comfortable using a label or even if you think you're still figuring things out, that's ok!
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u/8lock8lock8aby Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 Aug 19 '26
I know how you feel. When I was like 20, I was already out but I was living in FL & had gotten sober & IDK, I thought I'd give "normal" a try. I went out with this older guy I met at AA, my friends were friends with him & said he was a good guy. He was very good looking & I thought I'd give it a shot. Well when we went back to his house to watch a movie, he started kissing me & I just did not like it. It was a wave of disgust that went through my whole body. Like I literally thought "omg I am so gay" & I jumped up, told him I had to go then called a friend for a ride & stood on the porch, waiting, smoking a cigarette & thinking how foul that felt lol.
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u/TentacleWolverine Bath Snacker 🛁 Aug 20 '26
Perhaps you should go on some dates with some women to see how that feels.
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u/haikusbot 🐛The Very Hungry Bookworm 📚 Aug 20 '26
Perhaps you should go
On some dates with some women
To see how that feels.
- TentacleWolverine
I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.
Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"
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Aug 19 '26
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u/bay_blades hot girls have tummy troubles Aug 19 '26
ive been on a few dates with girls and thats why i was like “this is wild” because i like/don’t mind when women touch me
like i LOVE holding hands and getting hugs and i get little butterflies
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u/SolitudeSoul13 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Aug 20 '26
This is so cute! I honestly could have written some of your post myself
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u/CowComfortable4958 Chismosa Aug 19 '26
girl my lesbian realization was practically bar for bar what you just explained sooo me thinks you may be one of us!!
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Aug 19 '26 edited Aug 19 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/StoleUrGardenGnome 🍨 I scream, you scream, we're all screaming inside 😀 Aug 19 '26
Lmao, men really do be working against themselves so hard 😭
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u/bay_blades hot girls have tummy troubles Aug 19 '26
right, like they don’t do much to make me WANT to be attracted to them it’s wild
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u/tahiticondo Reddit Granny Aug 19 '26
sister, you are not attracted to men. period. Source: I am straight and I like the idea of dick.
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u/HI-JK-lmfao Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Aug 19 '26
Not too sure about the meal but YAYYYY🥳🥳🥳 women are better anyways (signed, a bisexual). Don’t let others make you feel like you’re not “good enough” for how you feel. The heart wants what it wants. Congrattssss
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u/Accomplished_Tip9422 puff puff pass the snacks Aug 19 '26
Girl you can identify however you see fit! There’s no such thing as “good enough” when it comes to being a lesbian. I can recognize that some men are attractive like i can recognize that the sky is blue, but the thought of being in a romantic situation with a man makes me uncomfortable, and I identify as a lesbian! Not saying that’s what you are or that you have to identify that way, but what I am saying is that you don’t need to worry about being “good enough” because that doesn’t exist. Identify as what feels true and comfortable to you because you can always change your mind and nothing is set in stone.
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u/ExaminationSad7511 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Aug 19 '26
Girl!! Don't stress over labels- sexuality is fluid, you don't have to commit to Never dating a man again if you feel like you might be a lesbian. Im attracted to all genders, but I could never see myself getting married to a man or being sexual with a man. I prefer dating queer people or women- and while im sure theres a super niche term out there for that, I still call myself a lesbian and tell others im a lesbian in day to day life, because thats just Practically how it works out. Its just been easier on me IRL. Go with what works for YOU. Go with what works Practically IRL.
(Being engaged and not having to worry about who im attracted to also helps though, cuz my type is just My Fiance✨️)
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
Sexuality is NOT fluid for lesbians.
Let's stop with this modern conversion rhetoric.
Bisexuals may have preferences that fluctuate.
Homosexuals do not. There is no choice. It's who we are. How we were born. There is no changing.
You are bisexual with a preference. And that's wonderful. So just say that instead of erasing my identity and my innate, established & exclusive sexual and romantic boundaries, as a lesbian.
Seriously so tired of all these lesbophobic bisexual women in supposedly safe spaces who perpetuate harm against us.
Kindly learn how to be safe person for community.
Lesbians deserve to feel safe with other lesbians. Not have to worry about more privileged trojan horses wearing our identity as a costume.
Edit - We matter too.
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u/pnweiner Overthinker 💭 Aug 19 '26
Please don’t put too much pressure on yourself to decide anything. First and foremost, do what makes you happy and feel at peace from moment to moment. If a label arises out of that eventually, great! And if the label itself makes you happy, also great! But there is so much unnecessary pressure these days to pick an identity and stick with it. That’s just not how life works!
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u/Mental_Vegetable_358 🧄 Anti-Vampire Taskforce 🧄 Aug 20 '26
i relate to this smm 😭 i feel like i can’t use that label for myself bc “what if there is one guy i might like” knowing damn well i don’t see any future where i am happy with a man and that the thought of one touching me or thinking abt me in a sexual or romantic way makes me wanna hurl.. the only thing i’m really sure of is that i like women so i might just stick to being unlabeled sapphic
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u/Itchy-Confection-433 ⚐ Marked Safe From My Almondmom Aug 20 '26
Hey, I said this once and ended up married to a woman so..
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u/Top-Video9686 I ❤️ Other People's Business Aug 20 '26
1) OMG your dinner look delicius, also loco moco means crazy snot in spanish, isnt it crazy?
2) I just want to tell you that you don't need to be attracted to a genre to find them attractive
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u/Few-Peach6872 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 20 '26
My question is: why are you questioning it? Is there anything about men that makes your question your sexuality?
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u/Few-Peach6872 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 20 '26
This comment probably makes no sense but I mean: why would you want to be with a man if they make you feel this way? Is there anything keeping you from thinking you're lesbian?
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u/bay_blades hot girls have tummy troubles Aug 20 '26
imma be honest… i don’t want to be with men lmfao
i think im just scared as identifying as lesbian but im not 1000% sure why
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u/lezbehonest787 Well-Read & Well-Fed Aug 20 '26
Whenever you’re ready, we’re here to accept you! Seems like a textbook case to me.
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u/Distinct-Crow4753 what that mouth do is gossip Aug 19 '26
Not good enough????? Girl this isnt heart surgery you dont have to be good at shit to be a lesbian i love you. you are my sister.
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u/agirldonkey Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 Aug 19 '26
You are good enough to claim the label! I’ve been a lesbian for 40 years and a whole bunch of us suck, welcome aboard! (I get a toaster oven for this I think)
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u/Gentlesinceredragon hot girls have tummy troubles Aug 19 '26
You dont need a label but follow your heart and want gets your panties wet. Enjoy life!
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u/CheesecakeExpress Internet Auntie Aug 19 '26
Uhmmmm I’m bisexual and I know this because I find both men and women hot. Like super hot. If men gross you out, that’s a pretty big sign….
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u/Halo_Slipping_Down eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ Aug 20 '26
If labels feel overwhelming you don’t have to use them. But you don’t need to be “good enough” to identify as a lesbian. many wlw have been with men and tbh gold star lesbians aren’t that common. Enjoy being sapphic and free yourself from any boxes you’ve put yourself in.
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u/Ecstatic_Music_4543 🥣 Cereal Killer Aug 20 '26
Do you feel sexual feelings or attraction to women? I know you don’t like men, but you do t say much about liking women.
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u/AptDuck3535 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Aug 20 '26
-looks at these paragraphs describing how I felt dating men and then looks at my wife- Yeahhhh.
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u/rocketmanatee Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Aug 20 '26
Love, I think you're gay ❤️.
It's cool to be a lesbian. If you meet the one man on earth someday who doesn't repulse you, you can change your mind and be bisexual again, but I'm pretty sure you're a lesbian.
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
Lesbians don't change their mind. We are born gay. There is no choice. It's who we are. There is no changing.
Best to simply refer to oneself as sapphic if unsure about future attraction to men.
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u/SeaworthinessSlow295 APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
That happened to me, I literally started having a physical reaction when a man sits next to me on a bus, I'd be nauseous 😭 you're probably a lesbian
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u/Avilola 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Aug 20 '26
Sexuality exists on a scale. Have you ever enjoyed any of your relationships with men? Do you enjoy sex with men? If yes, you might still be bisexual but prefer women. Do you just not enjoy men, period point blank? Yeah, you’re probably a lesbian.
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u/kibonzos APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
Sweetheart.
If men repulse you why are you going on dates with them?
Even without the label you don’t have to go on dates with people who give you the ick. You can say no.
Also, yay lesbian. There isn’t a point system or an entry exam. At least not where I live. Especially if that’s where you find butterflies. 💜
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u/anthonystank Trader Joe Hoe Aug 19 '26
You are describing lesbianism here.
It’s very important to remember that there’s no external truth when it comes to this. Nobody can definitively say “yes, you are” or “no, you’re not.” To the extent that there are hard and fast rules, they are :
- Lesbians are women, or ~women-adjacent people. If you consider yourself in some meaningful way a woman, you can be a lesbian. (And, conversely, if you consider yourself meaningfully Not A Woman, lesbian is not the correct word for you.)
- Lesbians love, fuck, and/or want to be with other women. This and Point 1 are very important in conjunction with each other: lesbians and women in general obviously come in infinite styles and flavors and variations, but lesbians’ attraction to women is same-sex attraction; if you feel attracted to women as being Other than your gender, that’s distinct from lesbianism.
3, and this is so important and so front and center in your post: Lesbians do not love, fuck, or want to be with men.
That’s it! If all of those things apply to/describe you, you’re a lesbian. It is a wonderful thing to be.
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u/Birdonthewind3 Kitchen Witch Aug 19 '26
You don't have say yes or no to the label. It just a label to identify you. Who you end up falling with it doesn't matter if you are bi, straight, lesbian, up, down, left, right. The only thing that matters is you are allowed to be with whom you love. If you want to be with another girl don't let anyone tell you no!!!
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u/Couchskeptic APPROVED✨ Aug 19 '26
Ok so I have an honest and not sarcastic question. I'm not gay ( married, straight woman) however by this logic, I should get absolutely grossed out by women? Like in order to be straight, I need to get the ick from women? Is it a lesbian experience to be grossed out by men in general? I've been grossed out by a few dates, a few guys have for sure given me the absolute hebiegebies, however a few of the men I'm attracted to and whose personality I like and whom I've had a connection to, only warm fuzzies. Absolutely not once in my life have I been 'grossed out' by a woman or the idea of touching them.
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u/bay_blades hot girls have tummy troubles Aug 19 '26
i think for everyone it’s different; there’s no one size fits all answer.
im not going to speak on everyone’s experience, but some gay men HAVE described feeling disgust towards women touching them or the idea of hugs and things.
for SOME asexual people they too describe repulsion from getting touched or touched romantically/sexually. and ive met many of straight men who feel repulsion from other men.
all that to say, there is no one true lesbian experience just as there is no one true straight experience. i also think for women there’s an element of us being socialised to be more receptive to physical affection between each other (at least where im from).
so i wouldnt claim MY experience as THE experience.
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u/MaterialMoose7384 Pasta Principessa 👑 Aug 19 '26
I identified as bisexual for like 8 years before realizing that I would never be happy with a man. It was hard to me to reckon with because I had been obsessed with Disney princess movies and romance for such a long time so that's what I pictured when I saw myself falling in love. I felt similarly about calling myself a lesbian when I had crushes on boys as a kid/teenager, and I still feel imposter syndrome sometimes, but I realized there's no perfect way to be a lesbian and all our journeys are unique.
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u/rnngwen Foraging Bog Witch Aug 19 '26
The thought of touching any man besides my husband gives me the huge ick. I do routinely find other women attractive though. I would never EVER cheat but I'm pretty sure I'd be moving the label from Bi to Lesbian if my husband were not in the picture. As it is though I'm happily married for 24 years.
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
Bisexual with a preference*
Lesbians are exclusively sexually and romantically attracted to the same-sex.
It doesn't change. There's no fluidity. We are born this way and leave earth this way.
You may not understand but lesbians don't have ANY exceptions.
And this rhetoric is harmful because it validates conversion rhetoric, which is uniquely weaponised against homosexuals born female.
You may want to look into febfems and sapphic bisexuals.
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u/84_Mahasiddons kiss my grits 💋 Aug 19 '26
I hear people "wish they were good enough" to be some form of queer (usually trans tho not always!) actually pretty often, and their reasoning as to why they wish that just boils down to checking all the boxes for it, just also feeling like there's some screen or distance between themselves and the group in question, like they're waiting for initiation. Speaking of which...
whenever i picture a perfect world i always picture myself married with a woman... ive been on a few dates with girls and thats why i was like “this is wild” because i like/don’t mind when women touch me
By the power vested in me by my girlfriend, I hereby license you to be into girls and to be able to say "oh yuri" under your breath sometimes and have that be normal and fine to do actually
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u/Mundane_Put_5780 nom nom, nod nod Aug 19 '26
Go date some women and find out if you’re a lesbian!!!! It’s more than okay if you are or if you’re not, or you’re Bi, or asexual!! So long as you’re happy, it’s more than fine!!Explore, and have fun :)!
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u/Lady_gaymer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 20 '26
Sounds like you would be a lot more comfortable with women. You can still explore and learn without having rigid designations. But there’s no test or something you have to pass to claim the lesbian label. If you are only comfortable and attracted to women then there you go.
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u/Your_Sunnshine APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
That's valid gurlie!! You don't even have to attach labels unless you feel personally comfortable with it? Don't feel bad you don't like X or Y? Just explore what feels right to your heart.
I kinda equate it to my experience? I'm pansexual/nonbinary. Like, I'm sexually attracted to feminine men/transwomen. But I'd feel the same discomfort if a masculine guy tried to hit me up 😅
Similarly, I'm hetero-romantic. I couldn't imagine dating someone without the equipment I'm drawn to? I don't think I'd feel happy.
Sexuality and romantic attraction can be complicated.
Edit: Lowkey want whatever is in that bowl. Like, now 🫠
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u/Forget_reset_repeat Plate Scraper Aug 20 '26
May you eat loco moco and lesbians all the days of your life, judgement free.
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u/hiyajosafina Well-Read & Well-Fed Aug 20 '26
You can call yourself whatever you want but stop dating men if that’s how they make you feel
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u/HumanHaggis Enby & Eatin' Aug 20 '26
You, uh, might be a lesbian?
Also who the fuck cares about labels, even if you're 90% into women and 10% into men, no one who isn't a jerk is gonna be angry if you call yourself a lesbian.
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
Oh no, not the "lesbian" masterdoc. That was written by a bisexual teenager with a boyfriend. It's done immense harm to the actual lesbian community. There's a lesbian version on the LG sub.
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u/Tumbleweed1312 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Aug 20 '26
Yup this was me, my entire life. I thought I was bisexual but would feel genuinely uncomfortable around men, and fee a sick feeling inside me during sex like I was acting. I only fantasized about women. I was married for decades to a man. After my divorce, I decided at age 47 to only date women or non binary AMAB people (VERY LIMITED, must be very special) and I feel so much better. No more ick feelings during sex.
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
That is called bisexual.
Lesbians are gay women. Born exclusively sexually and romantically attracted to the same sex.
I am a homosexual.
We are not the same.
Edit - and we don't have exceptions for no male, that is conversion therapy rhetoric.
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u/Useful_toolmaker Urban Hunter Gatherer Aug 20 '26
I’m gay . For years men were easy - like exercise, friends with dudes etc, but then they began to repulse me, add the controlling behavior, the need to dominate me, the need to be superior than me at everything, the fragile egos that were so easily offended, got old fast - and almost every single one - and I tried, I really tried , were bad in bed. Where women… wow, you ladies have it going on. Don’t let the dudes sell you short .
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
So a bisexual who is done with shitty relationships with men.
Edit - as an actual homosexual, men have always repulsed me because I was born gay and I will leave earth gay. No changes. No fluidity. No choice or preference.
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u/Hungry-Notice7713 Fartmaxxing 📈 Aug 20 '26
Sexuality is a spectrum. It sounds like your love life is not compatible with a man, so the lesbian label would help you a lot.
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u/kwispycornchip 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Aug 20 '26
As someone who went through comphet (& later comp-bi), this was word for word my experience. I could deal with the IDEA of romance with men, but once it got past the talking stage I just got grossed out. Begrudgingly accepted I was a strong 6 on the Kinsey scale a while after lol.
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u/medyomabait ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture Aug 20 '26
Me, age 16: “So it’s really important to you that I not have sex with boys? Cool, I wasn’t really planning on it.”
Me, age 21: “How will I ever know if I’m a lesbian or if I just THINK I am?”
Me, age 27: Marries a man, proceeds to have sex exactly twice in five years.
Me, age 40: “Baby girl, how was this ever a question?”
Genuinely I’m sometimes astonished by how anguished I was by this question in my 20s. It feels very obvious and also like not at all a big deal now. This is one of those things that gets better.
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u/Throwoutbins I ❤️ Other People's Business Aug 20 '26
Labels are goofy af but… maybe sapphic would be a good one? That way it’s kinda a “I’m mostly attracted to women/femininity/femme presenting people however I acknowledge that I could potentially find a man attractive so I’m not comfortable fully identifying as 100% lesbian” thing lol. They mean the same thing but some folks prefer sapphic bc TECHNICALLY there’s some wiggle room.
(signed a queer enby who took a very long time to figure stuff out )
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u/ZennXx Overthinker 💭 Aug 20 '26
Stop hedging. Be the lesbian you are meant to be.
The longer you delay, the less time left to explore which type of women you like and also which type of lesbian you yourself are.
It's a whole world to discover.
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u/Effective-Gift6223 Internet Auntie Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
Honey Girl, yes, you're a lesbian. Hooray for you! There's no "good enough" to reach for. You're attracted to women, and repulsed by men. There you have it. Go for it, live your best and authentic life.
Now stop tormenting yourself with men. Gack. You don't need to do that. 🙋🫂😸
The Loco Moco looks great, too. I never heard of it before, now I want to make some! So thanks for that, I can add a new dish to my menu!
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u/salaciousremoval The Snack That Sasses Back Aug 20 '26
You deserve to be happy! Claim the label! Enjoy women, they’re amazing!
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u/iguanatown girls just wanna have pho Aug 20 '26
i had a similar experience with dating men. i dated one of my best friends in the whole world, who is a cis man, for a few months not long after we met, and i ended it because i just didn’t feel the attraction. he is an attractive man and anyone would be SO lucky to have him… it still took me some time after that because i was a freshman in college at the time, but looking back, i’ve always thought that was the most damning piece of evidence that i’m a lesbian
also that loco moco looks SO GOOD. i need some spam moco now
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u/ElectronicSteak5619 🙋🏾♀️ Amebo Aug 20 '26
I hated men my whole life before i knew i was lesbian. Dont let anyone force a label on you. Continue to ponder it and it'll click eventually if thats the label you fit under.
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u/nannerpussnana APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
Therapy OP 🥲
You might be gay but I think you need to talk to someone this seems like a lot
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u/oopsiedaisy-- we listen and we only judge a little Aug 20 '26
I say embrace it. As a straight woman, I sometimes (often) wish I was a lesbian 😅 Men do kinda suck.
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u/lesbophobia_hammer 🌈 Vagetarian Aug 22 '26
As long as you are exclusively sexually and romantically attracted to the same-sex you are indeed a 🏳️🌈 Lesbian 🏳️🌈
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u/sauerkraut916 APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
Hi OP,
Have you ever kissed, snuggled, made-out with a girl/woman? You don’t mention if you’ve felt attracted to another female romantically.
Your post tells us you are repulsed by men, especially when they try to flirt with you. You get grossed-out when they show interest. But, you don’t share any details about your attraction to women.
Maybe you are asexual: no attraction to men or women because you aren’t sexually attracted to anyone (sex and love are two very different concepts.)
Maybe you are averse to being pursued as a sexual partner regardless of the other person’s gender? These issues are not easy to work through. You may have other emotional conflicts within yourself that are causing discomfort.
FYI - being grossed-out by overly forward men is VERY common among women. I know I hate it. But this reaction does not mean you are lesbian or bi-sexual.
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u/bay_blades hot girls have tummy troubles Aug 20 '26
i am VERY confident that i am not asexual haha.
but yes, ive kissed, snuggled and made out with women. the only reason i didnt share about my time with women is because i thought it was implied by my “i am bisexual” beginning.
also want to add, it’s not necessarily when men are forward that squeaks me out. it’s generally things id consider like normal relationship/dating things with men specifically.
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u/peachtiniii 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Aug 20 '26
I wouldn’t stress too much about the label right now but if you’re that repulsed by men stop dating them for now. Your exact label can come later but please turn your dating apps onto women only and stop accepting dates from men. Sounds like you’re doing psychic damage to yourself just being around them
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u/frequentcheeselove Well-Read & Well-Fed Aug 20 '26
I've never been curious to go on a date with a man. What is it that makes you seek them out for dates and more? It seems unusual behaviour for someone with 0% attraction to men tbh. Maybe you're bi with a heavy preference?
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u/WorldlinessSmooth815 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Aug 19 '26
Girl same lol I tried to make it work so many times because I do find men attractive but I do not like them touching me or having sex with them 😅
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u/zenobial APPROVED✨ Aug 19 '26
I can tell when women are attractive without wanting to have sex with them, and I feel like I’m still a perfectly adequate straight woman!
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u/blue19255 Foraging Bog Witch Aug 19 '26
Never force yourself to do anything with anybody when you don’t want to. You should love and honor yourself! Date a lady and see how it goes! ❤️
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u/Doctor-Blight 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Aug 19 '26
agree with everyone saying there's no such thing as being "good enough" to be a lesbian! lesbians are amazing people in my experience but the term "lesbian" has nothing to do with value or morality as a person.
also, if you prefer women, dating women is the logical outcome whether you're lesbian or bi! I am bi but just don't feel it for men the same way as women, and choosing to date women only ended up with finding my wife 🥰
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u/NYCSkaterGirl Chaotic But Cute Aug 19 '26
Whenever i had spicey dreams i was always the guy. Which i thought was weird cause im very cute and kawaii in an ariana grande type of way. Im not guy. Later realized im very interested in sexually pleasing a woman. Turning her on, turns me on if im emotionally connected to her. My official title is a homoromatic demisexual. Honestly those 2 words helped me to figure out my whole life!!!! Im unbelievably happy now
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u/Sally_Stitches_ Feral Til Fed Aug 19 '26
You can choose whatever label you want. It’s about you. It’s personal. Go for it. I’ve known plenty of bisexual women who identified officially as lesbians simply because they had no interest in dating men even though they were attracted to them. And really it’s probably the simplest way to communicate your preferences to others. If someone wants to get to know you, they can learn the full story and details.
If it makes you feel any better I wanted to be part of the queer community for so long but my own stuff was so oppressed I just looked on with envy, meanwhile I was so so so not straight. Took me into my mid 30s to finally figure out that if you keep repeating, “…maaaannn I wish I were bi,” umm ok you just might be.
Anyway sounds like you’re a lesbian to me. Maybe calling yourself sapphic will feel better at first though since it very clearly describes a preference for women but is still rather broad; encompassing multiple queer types.
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u/thenightanimals Well-Read & Well-Fed Aug 20 '26
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u/StressLife7080 the secret ingredient is autism✨ Aug 20 '26
Well uhm. Congrats 😊🩷
I hope you can figure it out eventually if you want to call yourself lesbian. Just fyi that sounds like my own experience for sure (except for dates, it appears the revulsion I have for men goes both ways lol)
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u/Branches26 🩷Bi💜 Aug 20 '26
Not sure if I can post links, but this document might be of help to you. (if the link doesn't work, google "comphet document" and the Copy of Am I a Lesbian_ Masterdoc should pop up).
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u/KaPowBam 🫘 Beans & Rice & Everything Nice 🌮 Aug 20 '26
Happily married lesbian here reporting for duty. 🫡 Sounds pretty darn gay to me.
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u/pineconeminecone girls just wanna have pho Aug 20 '26
That’s okay, you can be a lesbian. Or go love women and call it nothing at all. Call it anything or nothing, it’s yours however you like it
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u/Extreme_Effective762 APPROVED✨ Aug 20 '26
I think you should live your life 100% as authentically as you can. You deserve to be happy however and whatever that looks like! I support you, internet stranger!
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u/quietlyobservinglife Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Aug 20 '26
Congratulations! This is great news. I’ll be over in the corner secretly wishing I wasn’t born hetero. 😢
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u/[deleted] Aug 19 '26
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