r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 • May 01 '26
Brain Dump 🧠 Sometimes it works out because the man was actually a woman
Lurker here to share a story. I'll start off with that I have never identified as straight. If a label needs to be slapped on it, I go with bi. I don't care what the gender marker says.
I've been married coming on 10 years, and I'll be honest... the first few years felt a little rough. I thought it was because we were in the Army and we were in the hectic part of our 20s. But it didn't get better after we both got out of service, and at a point I just felt like I was no longer being heard and was actively being shut out. I can't force anyone to talk to me, so I started to pull back to protect myself from the inevitable.
Then, my then husband, comes out to me one night after a few drinks saying that he never has felt like a man or a boy, even came out to his (very unhelpful) parents as a kid... and it all clicked.
It was all repression.
The next day, we sat down and looked at names together because having a feminine name just never crossed her mind, and I'll be damned if my wife walks around with a goofy ass name she got from an anime. She was a junior, and I definitely never called her by her dad's name, ew. She picked something beautiful.
5 years later, we're happier than ever because my wife doesn't have to hide behind a mask of toxic masculine stoicism.
I guess the moral of the story is that maybe your husband just needs to be put on E. /s
Whispering wildflower tea & vitamin C for these crazy ass allergies, razz-cran la croix, and the best pistachios I've ever had from McGinn's Pistachioland in Alamogordo, New Mexico.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
Apparently its right outside of Alamogordo! The 5 lb bag was a gift from a relative that's from the area. Fascist-free pistachios!
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u/Sufficient-Coffee339 Feral Til Fed May 01 '26
I’ve been there - best pistachios and a fun place to take a picture
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u/SmellsLikeFigs Kitchen Witch May 01 '26
And surprisingly decent wine!
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u/Classic_Climate_951 Kitchen Witch May 01 '26
I was just there a few weeks ago. It's near White Sands and is pretty amazing! They have a giant pistachio out front and every pistachio product you can image in the store!
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u/Excellent-Wear-2208 Certified Snacker May 01 '26
Incredibly happy for the two of you <3 love pushes through in the funniest ways.
Also came here to say, I grew up in the Alamogordo/La Luz area and it is absolutely bonkers to see this. I went to high school with the owner’s son! Best pistachios and best chile in the country. I wish you two decades of love and good eats!
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
Random 5 lb boxes of Hatch and New Mexico State green chile also like to show up in at my house that's on the other side of the country! I didn't know about the pistachios until recently lmao
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u/theroguevillian Overthinker 💭 May 01 '26
I'm the trans woman in this kind of story, and my partner called it over a decade before I was ready to come out. We hope that we just had to remove the problem with the relationship - men! I'm so happy that you're both happy.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
Thank you! I had my suspicions for quite a while leading up to it, lol. But I couldn't push the issue until she wanted to talk about it, and I'm so glad she did! I hope you and your are doing just as well! 😄
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u/tgc220 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
Me too! My wife and I were together for 9 years before I started transitioning. Still very happy together 4 years later. Though she always identified as straight and mostly still does so that was a bit of a big adjustment she maintains shes only attracted to one woman lol
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u/alisaeth Assigned Hungry At Birth May 02 '26
When I came out to my partner, her response was “yeah that makes sense”. And then painted my nails 🥰
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u/IllegalGeriatricVore Feral Til Fed May 01 '26
Thank you for preventing another from falling to the dark side of anime names
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
IYKYK. I'm not calling you "Sephiroth", Stephanie.
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u/Positive_Worth307 🩵🙋♂️💙 May 01 '26
Transman lurker, congrats to you both! You gotta make sure you get that girly a dress with pockets. From what I remember in my brief time in girl land, that was the best part.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
She has so many dresses! And sharks for some reason?
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u/RiverOfJudgement Non-binary & Nourished May 01 '26
The Ikea Shark plushie has become a huge thing for the trans woman community
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u/Foreign_Kale8773 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
Can confirm, this is still true and brings joy to anyone who wears dresses to ALSO have pockets. Honestly I'm not sure when in fashion history we got rid of them (bc 18th and 19th c dresses HAVE POCKETS of a sort) but I'm glad we're bringing that shit back. (I do occasionally wonder if this is why I loved my JNCOs, bc I could load those babies right up 🤣)
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u/_DawnoftheDead_ 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
This is the post that finally got me to join. I absolutely love this amount of love and support. May you and your wife experience unlimited snacks forever.
Edited for typo
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u/chanciehome APPROVED✨ May 01 '26
My child came out as trans last year. Her wife has stood by her and helped her find Dr's and navigate the american Healthcare system. I've always loved this girl, but she is taking on an assignment in such a way that marvels me. My daughter is brave and strong, her wife is a superrhero. Bless you and your partner. Wishing you both all the happiness that the universe holds.
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u/Alternative-Air-1246 APPROVED✨ May 02 '26
You sound like a wonderful in-law! Best wishes to the family
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u/chanciehome APPROVED✨ May 02 '26
♡ awww, thank you. lol my kids did all of the hard work, finding partners and friends that truely love them, it is easy to love such lovely people.
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u/Alternative-Air-1246 APPROVED✨ May 02 '26
That means they were raised to look for people they love and respect. Are securing the concept of love. And know what they want out of a partner.
Sounds like some pretty great parenting to me! (Mom of lgbt 16 year old and 13 year old and this is the dream for me!!!)
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u/wienerweasel Snack Goblin May 01 '26
This was my wife and I! She had just never realized she didnt have to be a man if she didnt connect with it. Now shes 2 years on E, shes gorgeous and she SMILES now. We've been best friends for 19 years, and I've never heard her laugh so genuinely as once she blossomed into herself. Her journey has been the most beautiful thing ive ever had the privilege of watching.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
The smiles and laughter are the best! I have never seen her happier. Here's to many more years of this! ❤️
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u/LL092020 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 02 '26
“Blossomed into herself” is the sweetest way to phrase this 💕🥹
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u/tranquil-heart Cleavage Crumb Collector May 01 '26
I’ve got a couple similar stories. I had a friend in high school who dated a guy I hated. A decade later I bumped into her at pride with the girl I was seeing and she said “When did this happen? I thought you two didn’t like each other.” We’d had no idea.
I also had a boyfriend who was incredibly depressed and a nightmare to date. When I met her 5 years later, post-transition, it was like she had all the qualities I loved and none of the bad ones.
I think people who are deeply unhappy just aren’t good partners. Once you’re happier & healthier you often have much better relationships.
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u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 May 01 '26
Hell yes, dude! So glad you two were able to pull yourselves out of that slump, thst your wife finally found herself, and that you two are happy! Love that for you two!! 🥳🩷💜💙
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u/DannyDidNothinWrong Oversharer 🗣 May 01 '26
THIS HAPPENED TO ME!!! We've been so happy since my wife transitioned. Before she came out, I was perfectly ambivalent about kids, but after she came out and was just so happy and herself, I suddenly was like, "Oh, I actually really want to have kids with this person."
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u/Killawolf17 Overthinker 💭 May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
Can definitely confirm as someone whose boyfriend turned out to be her wife. Sometimes you just gotta get them on E and everything changes!
Nowadays, she likes to make jokes about how I clocked her as a woman from the very beginning, and how it was my plan aaaall along to crack that egg and help her.
Maybe she's not wrong. At the start when I still identified as bi, she was definitely a big "exception" for me because my interest in men was so little, yet she somehow broke through. Go figure I'd grow up to realize I'm a lesbian who had pre-ordered a wife (her words)!
Realistically, she's just BEEN my person from day one, regardless of anything ever, so I'll always love and support her, no matter the form.
As a funny extra side note, my friends have the same running joke and call me a gender thief because everyone around me (at least like 8+ of my friends, both besties and passing) have come out MtF after meeting me (ETA remembered two old friends who came out as FTM as well lol). It's a LITTLE bit funny, but the main part that I love is that they feel safe, supported, and comfortable enough around me to figure it out, work through it, and come out about these things, and I love, love, LOVE gassing them up and supporting them through everything.
Realizing I ended up rambling a little bit, sorry about that! I don't normally get to gush about my wife and our little progressing love story. Much love to you and yours ♡
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
What's crazy is that some of our friends came out to us as well before my wife started her transition! I have old friends from the Army reach out to tell me that they've finally started transitioning! I'm glad they've all found a save place with us :)
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u/bijabija Well-Read & Well-Fed May 01 '26
Man those MAGA guys are gunna be pissed (and hella jealous) when they realize the trans agenda is just people being happy in their own skin.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26 edited May 01 '26
My religious cousin says she "just doesn't understand the queer community because it's just too complicated".
They just want pickles and shark plushies.
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u/bijabija Well-Read & Well-Fed May 01 '26
I know, right?! But on a serious note- I have a trans kid, and although it was a surprise and it has definitely been a learning experience for me as I didn’t know a whole lot about that community beforehand, there is really nothing very complicated about it at all and there was nothing about my kid, their community or the specific medical needs they might have as the go through puberty that I wasn’t able to understand and learn very quickly.
And I’m not like a super intelligent person just average.
So it makes me laugh when I think about these people basically calling themselves stupid because they cannot understand something that is really truly uncomplicated (both societally/culturally and biologically).7
u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
They're actively against education... Making their brains wrinkle physically hurts them.
Its 2026: every kid (every person) deserves a safe place to explore who they are. I'm glad your kid has you in their life ❤️
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u/bijabija Well-Read & Well-Fed May 01 '26
It’s so funny that you said that because my partner literally calls people like this smooth brained 🤣
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u/feminine_eventuality Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 May 01 '26
I love stories like this. My own relationship didn’t fully survive my own transition, though we’re still good friends. But so many other people that I know had partners that went crazy and toxic when they came out. Thank you for being there for her.
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u/malowu97 Plate Scraper May 01 '26
I suspect this will be the case with my partner some day (they’re lovely in the meantime but there’s always some tension lurking). I can’t wait to go on the journey with them :)
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u/Good_Ol_Ironass Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 May 01 '26
i love this support! 🫶
Don’t directly ask them but it wouldn’t hurt to make a nudge towards letting them know you’re supportive of it (if they do not know or if they may be afraid to bring it to light, assuming it’s a thing)
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u/ccw_writes Assigned Hungry At Birth May 01 '26
My partner came out about two months ago and I am increasingly surprised how much of the tension of our marriage just melted away. She's happier than I've seen her in so long. I am too. This feels right to me. So much makes sense now.
We've been together almost 13 years. Nice to find other wives out there.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
I'm so sorry to hear that. Hopefully you are in a happier place now.
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u/Weekly-Watercress520 APPROVED✨ May 01 '26
Guess what??? I have a wife with a similar backstory ✨🥰✨🥰✨🥰 I hated him and I adore her. E for the win❤️🔥 so much love
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
Happy for you and your wife! ❤️
I never hated my pre-transitioning wife, but I did loathe the typical male response of bottling everything up and stuffing it so far down, then acting like nothing was wrong when very clearly something was. Not once did expressed feelings become ammunition between us, but its very hard for a lot of guys to let go of the generational emotional abuse (i.e, being told that no one cares about their feelings, that anger isn't an emotion, and the general centralization of men). They hurt themselves because that's what they were taught to do.
I'm just glad we can communicate properly!
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u/Aggressive-Mood-50 Snack Goblin May 01 '26
lol now you can tell your wife that she made you gay. Happy everyone is happy now!
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
We actively shout, "GAY!" at each other whenever the other does anything mundane lol
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u/EmbarrassedDark2341 Snack Goblin May 01 '26
I can't write my story because I'm about to get the kids from school but there are so many similarities to your story to the tale of my spouse and I.
I'm so glad your journey turned out for the better also.
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u/matt_the_non-binary Cleavage Crumb Collector May 01 '26
I started estrogen over a year ago, and finally switched to injectable recently. It feels so surreal to me to have let go of all this anger and most of these negative feelings I’d bottled up for years on end, and become way nicer and way more empathetic as a person. Even genuinely smiling seems to come more easily now.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 02 '26
Welcome to the dark side! We have charcuterie. Please, keep smiling ❤️
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u/Ok-Mango-5814 hot cakes with sausage 🏳️⚧️ May 01 '26
Yep, I was your partner before the egg crack, and Iost my wife and best friend because I didnt know what was going on til it was too late. Divorced her because repressing my feelings (I didnt know what I was doing was repression at the time) and thought we just "didnt work out". I'm also an avoidant and have been working on that rigorously through therapy, self work and endless reflection. When I cracked, I was able to work on so much shame that I had held onto my entire life which prevented me from being the person I truly wanted to and could be. I still hurt every day because of my actions both before and causing the divorce. I'm so glad that it worked out for y'all and that you were as supportive as my ex would have been of me had I realized in time.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
Oh no! I'm glad you got to root of the issue at the end of the day. Hopefully any future relationships (if you're interested in any) are smoother ❤️
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u/Ok-Mango-5814 hot cakes with sausage 🏳️⚧️ May 01 '26
Thanks bb! Im currently in rehab cause obviously I had to bury all those emotions under something, lmao, but I did just buy myself a fun dress I saw the other day and wanted. Went back and it was half off! A wins a win!
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u/toxiclight Snack Goblin May 01 '26
Lol! This is exactly what my partner did, and she's SO much better now! That repression is an absolute killer, and now that she has the right hormones in her, and our family and friends around her, we're so much better.
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
The repression started to leak out to everything! Eugh!
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u/nynnie Carb-Based Life Form May 01 '26
This is just beautiful, it sounds like a cheesy yet modern romance novel and I love it
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u/echokaji hot cakes with sausage 🏳️⚧️ May 01 '26
E does some wonderful things, I’m happy for the both of you! Thanks for saving her from having a…unique name, there’s already enough of us 🤭
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u/Similar-Purchase-101 Body By Cheese 🧀 May 01 '26
Nothing wrong with unique names! But its a little hard to take someone seriously when they pick "Asuna", "Kurasame", or "Sakura"... especially when they have no connection to the cultures behind the names, aside from video games or anime. Might as well slap a "GIANT WEEB" sticker across their forehead, lol.
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u/echokaji hot cakes with sausage 🏳️⚧️ May 01 '26
It’s a really good thing teenage me didn’t transition because they would’ve definitely done something like that. At 30 I had the life experience to know it would’ve been a…choice, that’s for sure.
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u/AnxiousSeat1221 APPROVED✨ May 04 '26
You are the kind of loving and good hearted partner I had when I realized I was trans. She was bi/pan, helped me through the first steps of transition, and even tho we stayed together for only a year, she will always be one of the most important and helpful lover I had. We still talk a fair amount, I changed I lot, but I'll never ever forget what she did for me.
You are a diamond, be proud, and keep it up 💎
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u/Excellent-Wear-2208 Certified Snacker May 01 '26
So happy for you two <3 love pushes through in the funniest ways
Also came here to say I grew up in Alamogordo and this is absolutely bonkers to see in the wild. Best pistachios and green chile in the country!
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u/Buxom_StrwbryBlnde Cleavage Crumb Collector May 01 '26
This was hilariously written!! Thanks for the laugh. Glad we gained another badass chick to the team💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼