Hardest Year of My Life

[u/JayhawkRx]

This has been the hardest year of my life. My grandfather developed dementia and I had to watch him deteriorate in front of me. Not just pass away but watch everything great about him just slowly get stripped away. My parents divorced when I was young so he was a very important father figure in my life.

On top of that other members of my family then took advantage of my grandma to gain access to all of her financial accounts. At one point I essentially tripped over my uncle in the dark basement. Turns out he was trying to sneak stuff out of the house. He has no job. One evening when I was trying to hold my grandfather up to get his pants on after he had a bad day and no strength left, I overheard him asking my grandma for thousands of dollars to pay his mortgage that month. He is almost at retirement age. He then made sure to continually paint the rest of the family as bad people in order to put himself on a pedestal and avoid judgement I guess. Even going as far as telling my grandma that I was stealing stuff.

My best friend died in a car accident. The one person who pushed me away from the bad influences we were around at a young age. The only person who ever told me I deserve more. I never even got to show him I made it. I never got to thank him. I miss talking with him everyday.

Then I met someone. A light in the darkness. The past few months were great. But there were red flags I ignored just to have some sort or normalcy. Fast forward a bit and she leaves for some work training, messages me how much she loves me and is excited about our future etc. Couple days later deletes me from everything. I try to call her and ask what’s going on and make sure she’s okay and just get blocked. She’s now with someone else I assume.

I have a stable job, I’m financially secure. I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard to try and keep my mind and body busy. I try really hard to appreciate what I have because I know there are people suffering a lot more than I am. But at the same time my family has been decimated. I wouldn’t even say I have a family anymore. I lost more than just my grandfather due to all the drama. I kept all this pretty well bottled up but my friend, my partner, kept pushing me to open up to her. I started to trust her, to love her. She was everything I prayed for and more. But now there’s nothing and I have never felt so alone.

Eating has been tough but I am trying. Here’s a morning muffin, cheese stick, and a protein shake before I head to the gym.

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[u/powertrippingmod67]

sorry bro. this is also my worst year. Thankfully we are almost through it, and hopefully next year will be better.

[u/Suspicious-Bid9424]

That's a shit year alright.

Sounds like you're handling it about as well as one could expect.

Give yourself grace and keep it pushing. Focus on gym goals and the basics like diet, exercise, sleep, and maintaining a good home. It helps keep it all together when things are rough.

I like meditations by Marcus Aurelius when things are at a real low. It helps put the worst things in a perspective that feels alright - full audiobook here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6cSYKeafmk

[u/TurnoverFuzzy8264]

Sorry, brother, that's rough. I know how hard it is to see someone succumb to dementia, it afflicted my dad. He didn't remember me or our siblings before he died. There are therapists who can help. There's no shame in getting help. It can be hard to take the plunge, I know. Hug if you want it.

[u/2NE99]

Something like this happened to my grandpa. I trust elder abusers about as much as I trust pedophiles.

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[u/bigfern91]

That’s a brutal year dude. Been having an awful one here too. Stay strong ✊