So kittens heels are very much in, so idk, I may be over thinking but I’m not trying to look stupid.

The vision, a denim fit and flare dress, a chocolate turtle sweater underneath, stockings and these shoes.

edit: so I should’ve clarified that I’m not going to church! I want a cute fall look but I’m sure if these shoes give trendy or church shoes.

I’m hoping they don’t look too “auntie”

my dysphoria is weird because there are days where i will refer to myself as a girlie pop queen and the next day i will hate myself for referring to myself as anything womanly. sometimes it even triggers me. but then there are days where i feel offended by being seen as a man. I can never be content in one binary gender. and i’ve been flip-flopping for years. it’s such a strong shift when it happens and i can’t really control how i feel about it when it happens. i’ve talked about this with my therapist some time ago and i still struggle with landing on a solid gender identity. thankfully after being involved in the queer community i’ve found others like me so it isn’t so isolating, and my partner accepts this part of me.

i go by all pronouns because i don’t have a stable sense of gender. there are days when i am genuinely okay with being seen and referred to as a girl then the next day or week i will feel triggered by being seen as just a woman. and vice versa: like there are times i hate being masculine and times when i will crave being seen as a man.

and when that happens i kick myself because i tell people i go by all pronouns but when most times they only use one set for me and i have to lowkey not be bothered when i am in my “masc state” and i get called a she/her girl because i don’t want to seem unstable. i wish i was true nonbinary ™️ and simply genderless instead of constantly shifting between the two binary genders.

Posting for my 11 year old daughter. She is finally brushing her own hair and learning how to take care of it with minimal help from me(here if she needs it but she’s determined to learn). She loves the unbrush but she has snapped two of them. Is there anything like the unbrush but with a more durable handle? Pic of my baby’s glorious hair for reference

From the ages of 13 to 16, I was bulimic. When it was time for my back-to-school medical evaluation for freshman year, my doctors made me do a drug test because they did not understand how I was able to loose 40lbs within a summer.

Black women who have EDs and who struggle with EDs is such a non-existent conversation. I have spilled my ED history and struggle with black therapists in the past, and they cruised right over it, which I can understand why. I have had a couple of white women therapists and psychiatrists in the past, and so far they have been the only one consideredate of my ED history and struggle.

Anyway, fast forward to today, and I am 27, and I have a degree in Food Science and a Master's in Dietetics. My struggles with food and my body are a major part of why I decided to go into this career path. It's healing the little girl and teenager in me.

BTW, not that it matters, but if anybody is wondering, both of my parents are black. I am a monoracial black woman.

I do want honest opinions but If you just don't like piercings in general then maybe just skip this post 😬

I've had both my nostril and lip piercings for less than a year, and since i got to college idk how to feel about them. Maybe i just need a retwist?

It didn't hit me until I was in the store that it's one thing to think "oh I can't afford it" but it's another thing to think that something flat out isn't for me. I've never even tried on clothes of this price range or quality because I always wrote it off (“too expensive”/racism/“it’s for xyz”/“it’s anti abc”/etc.) I feel like it speaks to a bigger conversation around self-worth for me.
obviously some brands not even worth pissing on, however, there is (usually) a quality to high price items and I know that I love me some qualities, so why not focus on that part instead of separating myself from my desires based off something as silly as a price tag or not wanting to be seen in a certain light by the people that work at these places!!! the people that work in these stores can't afford this shit either twin! so what the fuck am I even worried about fr? i truly was just mad 4ever that price stood between me and what’s for me. that limiting belief died this day and the funeral was lovely. i believe i’m bigger than my anger and as far as getting what i want, it’s more than one way to skin a cat u feel me?
Anyway, this outfit I'm wearing is by Jean Paul Gaultier. it felt like butter, it fit like a charm, and I continue to move towards my reality where this quality of clothing is my standard
(idgaf about brands specifically ✋🏾😗)

The unhygienic man happens to be my father lol.

I’m 17F & I recently moved in with my dad in august. I really didn’t want to because my dad fits into the stereotypical “single dad” lifestyle so his house is just depressing.

no groceries in the fridge (only takeout & fast food), house is a mess & unorganized asf, & he doesn’t clean nor cook. What makes it worse is that we have to share a bathroom so he leaves his rags on the sink & sometimes he doesn’t even flush the toilet.

He’ll take showers probably like 3x A WEEK so he a lot of the time he stinks & tries to mask it with the most pungent cologne ever.

& Actually, last night i saw the most fattest, juiciest american cockroach crawling on the kitchen cabinet so i took a picture & sent it to him, & he literally sent a laughing emoji.

I don’t have anyone to take me back & forth to work so I have to wait until i get my license to get a job. i’m planning on making a savings account simply for my future apartment but as of right now, do y’all have any advice for me on how i can get through this???

I genuinely dread getting out of my room because I instantly get overly irritated. It’s so nasty & all I do is visualize having my own place.

Just like the title. I just saw a post of a man being happy that a woman who rejected him became a single mother instead of choosing him. My question is why do you care years later that the person rejected you? Plus why are you happy that she’s now a single mother? Then there’s some men who go after women who aren’t even on their level. Why are you pursuing women out your league? Some men are getting mad they can’t bag the “IG models” or women that take good care of themselves. How are you upset you can’t get a fit woman when you’re out of shape yourself? I’m confused. Idk why they wouldn’t want a woman on their same level. When I say men should pursue women on their level, I mean women who are in a similar range in terms of how they take care of themselves, fitness, grooming, and overall lifestyle. Instead of constantly chasing women they may not be compatible with or who aren’t interested in them, why not pursue women who are more aligned with what they bring to the table and who are more likely to reciprocate their interest?

At first I thought my black male flatmate was just awkward and shy but no he is just a total prick.

Everytime I see him I always smile and say hi and laugh but I guess he assumed I liked him. Considering all the girls he brings to our lounge I'm not sure why he would think I like him.

he embarrassed me infront of a more convenientally attractive black girl he was with. I feel like he feels insulted by my existence.

I kinda saw him like a brother type because we are the few black people in the accomm so this energy feels weird

I usually get pale when the the weather starts to get cold but I’m definitely warm during the summer time. so I don’t know if I should stick with warm make up or go neutral druing the colder months.

1st photo taken this month
2nd photo taken early September

I usually always have black hair. I recently decided to try brown but I'm thinking of changing back to black asap. I feel the brown washes me out! Help!!!

Had to be done. I could go into details but that's not the focus of this post.

I'm 29F and I have always been very lonely as every black kid in white spaces; tried to come up with explanations and strategies to work around it but nothing ever worked. Overall I'm sure I reek of loneliness but I'm just not into putting myself out there trying to find people anymore ,after today.

In the end I have me, and I'm cool as shit; I'm not 100% aware of what loneliness does to me but I can say for sure I'm growing cold and selfish but that's ok. The point of this post is to ask for tips from older single ladies out here, I can't wait to get all the fruits I have been planting lately, I am back to college and super excited about it, trying to get into some offline activities and working hard to get rid of my "people pleasingness". I cross older women in the streets and they all inspire me, I wanna be like them: powerfully and unapologetically mean. I just love to watch these women go on about their day. So I came to ask for clues: where do older ladies go when they have free time to enjoy their own company? Do you guys have some low cost hobbies and activities to recommend? Any unconventional things u CAN'T skip not even a day for personal growth?

Hi ladies,

I’m reaching out because I got married earlier this year and now that everything has died down a bit I’ve had time to fully take it in. My question is, what really is a good marriage? What’s a good wife/relationship? What do people do to make sure their person is heard? He and I are both from not the most stable family families when it comes to relationships so we are just making it up as we go but recently he’s been extremely stressed at work to the point of shut down mentally and I wondered what does someone do when their “person” is like that? Like what does it take to make a relationship work. I’m open to all advice possible.

I've always loving jumping rope and I realized that there are so many fun ways to do it so I'm just happy to share my love for this and maybe rope a few people into jumping along as well

If you try it, please show some love and let me know what you think

I’ve been on Hinge for about a month. I’ve liked around 60–70 guys (mostly 21–25) and passed on a lot more, but I’ve only gotten about 13 matches back. Most of the guys who matched messaged first and I didn’t really reply bc they were low effort and non serious. The few times I reached out it went nowhere and got ignored.

I’ve gotten a decent amount of likes, especially early on, but the guys liking me usually aren’t ones I’m interested in. I’ve sent a few roses and comments but it doesn’t seem to have helped much either.

Just wondering if this is normal or if something about my profile is off. I’m open to sharing my photos privately if anyone wants to give feedback. Otherwise curious how it’s been going for other people in a similar spot.

Thanks.

Saw this video yesterday about a woman talking about how her friend is getting married and wants to play Pretty Wings by Maxwell at her wedding. Bride-to-be told her ex friend, she ripped into her telling her that she is an idiot and was going to ruin her marriage. If she that concerned about this woman wedding she would have suggested her to run it by her husband or another song in its place.

Some people really show their true colors during wedding planning, cause I promise it is never this serious.

Happy that woman got out that toxic ass friendship cause I'm betting that was not the first time she spoke to her way.

This is going to be word vomit because I’m not even sure I have the words for what I’m trying to say. Long read, not necessary: main question is what would you say makes someone pro-black? In my opinion, it is anything that secures the happiness, safety, and thriving of the black community.

———-
I would consider myself to be pro-black, pro-black women to be more specific because a lot of the rhetoric has boiled down to centering black men.

The endless discourse tying problackness to dating, how you do your hair, how you carry yourself, your interests, etc. really washes down what should be the point of pro-black sentiment imo. Yes, your commitment to the people should extend to every aspect of your life! But these discussions almost always center around what the aesthetics of problackness should be but rarely the actual advancement of black people.

I know so many people whose problackness starts and stops at just being black. Now I do absolutely agree with the sentiment of “all I gotta do is stay black and die”. Because hell yeah that’s a win in itself in a world where a chunk of the population wants nothing but our demise. Yet, some people who say this will spew so much antiblack rhetoric without even realizing it.

(Past this point im rambling bad lol)
I hear quite a bit of anti-black rhetoric from older black people. They will claim to be pro-black, yet they:

- Call any texture past 4A nappy and still say things like “good hair” when speaking of looser textures.

- Uphold ideas of how we are naturally stronger without realizing that same rhetoric is used to justify not taking our pain as seriously. I have heard older black people basically regurgitate eugenics but frame it as some great thing. This one is complicated because I too am proud of our strength, and it isn’t exactly our fault that other races use that to justify oppression, but idk. It’s always a little icky to me when someone is going hard about how we are supernaturally gifted with physical prowess and durability. Outside of it justifying harm, I think it also takes away from achievement; it implies that we didn’t work hard for physical feats because it’s “just natural”…..idk. Maybe someone else can articulate this better.

-Act as if how young black people choose to dress or carry themself will have any effect on racists. The mindset of “They treat us like that because you do xyz”. They recycle the bonnet debate, streetwear debate, locs debate, colored hair debate, what music we listen to, etc. This one is so simple minded to me because a racist is racist whether you’re in officewear with a black silk press or streetwear with a purple fro! Within means, express yourself however you want to in everyday life! There is no appeasing a racist; you’ll just be “one of the good ones” until you aren’t.

- Still use the term “fast” when speaking about young black girls that are often victims. Red nails are fast, long hair is fast, walking a certain way is fast. That all feeds further into the over-sexualization of black girls!!

- Tend to be against black women dating outside of their race, but won’t say a word when a black man is making a black woman’s life living hell. I have to preface by saying ALL men have the potential to be awful. I’ve spoken to or dated awful men of several races. No race treats women any worse or better. Putting that out there because some of us spew this idea that white men love better. Aht aht, not doing that. BUT, I have no idea why older folks seem to cling to ideas of struggle love or waiting for the right black man…if there are other men right here right now who will treat you good, take that! And when you ask why their gripe is with black women specifically dating interracially, it almost always leads to something about black babies. That’s odd! The black race will not die out because some black ladies are dating non-black, and why isn’t that same responsibility placed on black men?

- Calling certain interests, beliefs, or activities white. Blackness is not a monolith! I spent a lot of my childhood being told I “acted white” for leaning more alternative in style and interests. In adulthood, I’ve been told I act white because of how I speak, enjoying outdoor activities, listening to different genres of music…There is not one set way to be black and I think it just reinforces stereotypes. And don’t even get me started on older people saying that mental health is white people shit. That’s a whole other can of worms.
————
Those are just a few common things I see from some self proclaimed pro-black people. I’ve found that trying to speak with older people who think in these ways is a losing battle and they’ll often flip it into me being naive or super antiblack myself in some backwards way. It is so frustrating to me!! I don’t even know how to end this, just curious what you guys think? I’m so open to being told I’m thinking of this all wrong btw, I really want to understand where the disconnect is!!

Hi All! I’ve decided to do a Black Canary cosplay for Halloween. I’d like to buy a nice blond wig that I could then wear in real life going forward too.

However, I’ve never done wigs before and I know nothing about them so I’d like the consult the council and get your direction and recommendations before I set about on this new adventure.

In particular I’d imagine a color like blond might be complicated when it comes to picking a shade that works with my skin tone. Id imagine there are some color theory rules that would apply but I don’t know what they are yet.

I have an absolute shit ton of natural hair so I plan to corn row it down and maybe apply a wig cap if needed to further compress the volume.

My skin is neutral undertoned and coffee with a splash of creamer colored. So I’m guessing cool toned blond would probably look bad on my skin but I don’t know for sure.

I do know that a lace front is ideal to help the wig blend nicely into the forehead and plucking is one way to help create a smooth transition. I also know that gluing it down with a wig adhesive and a banded baking type process is recommended but that glueless options also exists. I’m not really sure which is better to start with or how to judge the quality of either.

I do know that I should avoid cheap “hard” wigs but I don’t yet know how to identify them. Are there materials or styles or methods of construction I should be aware of prioritize or avoid?

Any guidance you have for a newbie like me would be appreciated! Thank you friends!

I’m a black woman working in corporate, I work in clinical research. I am the only black woman in the department and we share the floor with other research departments. I was told by my manager today that he was told by other people (not by my team)that it looks that I’m angry or upset. I’m not upset but most times I’m not even thinking about how I put my face. I wanted to literally cry because I don’t want to ever give off the angry black woman trope.
My mother and little sister advised me and they both agree that I should really smile more.

Has anyone ever been told this by their superiors?

I’ll start: my bf eats like a slob. We’re working on it, but I never expected to be food training a 30 year old. He also lets his dog lick his face. Coming from an African household it’s a bit nasty.

I used the "Relationships" flair because this is about a "heated debate" I recently had with my husband. I mentioned that one of my friends was having a moomoo party in a few weeks. He was surprised and said they weren't to be worn outside. I challenged this because they are not form fitting. He said that in our community they are considered sexy - which I have never heard. He then tried to ask me if I would wear a bikini in public if I weren't going swimming, which I pointed out as being an unfair equivalent. I let him know he was trying to police the way I dress and then I ended the conversation with "So what if it's sexy? Then what???" He had no good response to that.

I consider myself to have a good barometer on AA culture so I want to "fact check" his statement that moomoo's are considered sexy. What say you?

Ever since I was a little girl ( currently i’m 22) i’ve not had the best relationship with my father. For a moment i genuinely thought he was getting better as a person but my grandmother is at the point where she need 24/7 care and he has really regressed. I understand caregiving is hard but I just can’t anymore.

My grandmother has always been a major headache my whole life and I know she is the main reason my dad is so messed up. I genuinely believe my dad is on the spectrum but never got a diagnosis which is the case for a majority of gen x. This has caused him to ignore the warnings of her aging and mental deterioration. Now it is such a headache trying to place her in a facility because he didn’t want to do necessary paperwork years ago.

I find myself at my breaking point with him he was so emotionally unavailable and abusive. I want to go no contact but the empathy and compassion I tend to have towards people is not letting me. I always found myself envious of people who don’t know their father as that is a better fate than having one who ain’t shit. I really don’t know what to do atp considering I kind of financially depend on him rn in terms of money car.

I’m speaking it into the universe that my beautiful baby girl will be born in the later half of 2027. This has been a 6 year journey and I’ve wanted this since I was in the fifth grade. I’m really enjoying this stage of just knowing that I have 2 healthy embryos.