Like, don't even get me started- I'm trying so hard not to rant but I genuinely get so confused when I see people be into , torture, cnc, stuff like that (no hate, I find the appeal of it as well and also understand the mental part of it) but as soon as they see someone that is into age play they side eye or judge or even worse, make the assumption that the person who's into age play MUST BE a pedophile. (Also find that term to be thrown around crazy as well because people with paraphilias aren't automatically evil, most likely been conditioned or traumatized, and all don't abuse others and even seek help and healthy coping) It's genuinely so crazy for me to see, everyone's a freak until age play? Like why isn't age play being understood like cnc? Because there's a lot of people who's into cnc is also into age play because their trauma happened when young,or just because they like the fantasy itself (don't have to be traumatized to enjoy a fantasy between two consenting adults).​​

I'm a princess sub in a relationship with a caretaker/pleasure Dom. Ask me anything!

Our dynamic is very loving but also quite strict. He takes care of me in a lot of ways — he cooks for me, surprises me with outings or little gifts, washes me, shaves me, and does my hair. He also drives me wherever I need to go.

At the same time, we have clear rules I have to follow:

- Constant location tracking

- He makes the plans and I follow them (I have to ask permission if I want to go out and do something)

- He orders for me in restaurants

- I always walk on his left

- I need permission to go out alone

- He has a monitoring app on my phone that can block apps

- I wear specific clothes when he wants me to

- Daily exercise and study time

If I break the rules, there are consequences:

-Cold showers (he washes me gently, but with very cold water)

-Spanking

-Being sent to the bedroom for a timeout with the door locked while he’s home (this usually happens when I get him on his nerves to much)

Is anyone else in a dynamic like this? Do you have any personal experience with a similar caretaker/strict Dom and princess sub dynamic?

Domme here, negotiating scenes for years, and I keep noticing the same pattern: people will negotiate the scene itself down to the smallest detail — implements, limits, safewords, marks, all of it — and then go completely vague on what happens after.

So the one question I now ask every partner before a first scene, and the one I wish everyone asked me, is: what does 'after' look like for you?

Aftercare, yes, but more than that. Do you want to be held, or do you need space and quiet? Do you want to talk it through straight away, or sleep on it and debrief the next day? Is a check-in text the following morning sweet or smothering to you? What does a good landing actually feel like in your body?

I learned this the slow way. I once played with someone new who went quiet and distant afterwards, and I spent two days convinced I'd done something wrong — turned out he just processes alone and comes back chatty and affectionate about 24 hours later. If I'd asked that one question beforehand, I'd have known that was his normal, not a problem.

So I'm curious: what's the one negotiation question you wish every partner asked before a first scene? The thing that never seems to come up until it suddenly matters?

Hi all,

for me my submission and devotion has always felt like a plant i need to water regularly to prevent it from withering.
Lately, i can feel exactly this happening though, as i can’t really rely on a counterpart at the moment to help me nurture my submission either. Yet i really long to keep it alive though for many reasons and not grow numb or apprehensive to the thought of submitting.

How do you nurture your submission and devotion? Especially the mental aspect of it.
If you have gone through similar experiences, has your longing for submission come back and if yes, how?

All advice is very much appreciated and thank you in advance!

This has come up many times in my BDSM chats and it is people often hear “24/7 BDSM” and picture a couple living in a constant scene. In practice, it can be much quieter than that. Maybe the dynamic shapes certain routines or decisions, or maybe it’s simply a steady sense of trust and connection they carry into everyday life.

For the right couple or group, that can feel wonderful. A submissive partner may find comfort in being able to let go of some decisions, while the Dominant may value the trust and responsibility involved. Over time, their dynamic can become a way of feeling close and understood.

But everyday life doesn’t always fit neatly into a dynamic. Work gets stressful, people get sick, and sometimes one person just needs a break. 24/7 shouldnt mean someone has to stay in role when theyre exhausted or uncomfortable. Both partners need to be able to speak up, adjust things, and revisit what they agreed to without shame.

The couples who make it work seem to leave room for those honest conversations. They talk about what the dynamic includes, what stays personal, and how either person can ask to pause. That flexibility doesnt make the commitment less meaningful. It helps keep it something both people genuinely want.

Just my insights... whats yours?

I recently got into a new relationship and am not sure if kink incompatibility is the issue or something else. For some quick context: I am f,33 he is m,27 we’ve been seeing each other for about a month and a half. Initially connected through kink with a romantic interest as well.

When we first started talking there was an instant communicated connection with what we are looking for kink wise. My understanding was that he is a sadistic dom and, as a masochistic sub, it felt like a match. He mentioned he’s had a lot of partners and been to dungeons many times so I felt confident that he’s had a lot of experience. Initially the communication was good and felt clear. We each talked about what we like what we don’t like, things we want to try, green, yellows, and reds.

In our discussions he mentioned he likes punching and that was one of the differences we ran into, although I am not interested in punching I am into a lot of other types of impact play, edge play, and power play. One of the other things that came up in conversation was that he does not play if it doesn’t involve fucking. Although I don’t necessarily agree with that, I let it go because I do want a sexual partner.

I haven’t had nearly as many sexual partners as he has- but I have had enough to know what good sex and good play is.

When we started to see each other and get to know each other more, we would make out and we would play a little bit, which I enjoyed. There was one moment early on where he was pretty rough with me and he used my mouth and came. As soon as he was done with me he immediately disengaged, left me there, didn’t say anything, went to grab a snack, and just sat down to eat his snack. I was waiting for either a command, or a little aftercare or something but there was nothing, so I got really upset. This has never happened to me before and I couldn’t pretend that I was okay. After this moment happened we had a really in depth conversation that I felt was a breakthrough and I was able to communicate what I wanted from him. And also asked to never do that again, and discussed options on what to do instead so I don’t end up feeling shitty.

Our relationship continues and every time we “mess around” I notice that he NEVER touches me or tries anything with me. So I bring it up and I find out he is not interested in making me cum. He said that he made his past partners cum by insulting them- I think he mentioned this because I’m not really into degradation, but more so condescending praise and that was also one of the differences we ran into.
This is something that took me a little bit to understand- and maybe it is where some of my confusion comes from. I love intense play and I love hard impact and I love being dominated and used but I still want a partner who can make me cum if there’s sexual activity involved, especially if I’m making him cum every single time.

There was a point where I brought this up as an incompatibility since he does not enjoy something I feel it’s a nonnegotiable for me, it felt like we were at an impasse because if we are dating, and not just playing but also having sex, I need an aggressive dominant that can make me orgasm or else I don’t think I’ll be happy. When I brought up my concern he shut down and got really upset. We talked about it and he said he is willing to give me what I want too, but it’ll take him time. I was unsure on how things could work but still very open minded, and at this point there was a deep emotional attachment and we both wanted to be with each other.

Eventually we have sex. The sex is an agreed CNC, he just puts it in me and cums immediately. We have several more encounters that every time they are very quick. There was one encounter that I finally told him to just be more rough with me and I did enjoy that but I still never cum. There are moments where he tries to make me cum but I never do because I can tell he is not enjoying it.
To this day most encounters we’ve had have been sub par for me. Sex wise and kink wise. There have been some things he’s done that I’ve enjoyed, when he gets really aggressive with me (it’s these moments where I feel we both enjoy it) but they feel very short and fleeting since as soon as he comes he is done. And I often feel unsatisfied. And then afterwards when I’m alone I end up questioning everything and feeling shitty instead of feeling the bliss that I’m used to from a new dom / sexual partner.

So I’m trying to figure out if we just like different things and this could never work, is he just a bad & selfish lover, am I a bad sub for wanting to orgasm, am I being impatient and things can actually get better with time as we learn more about each other.

The truth is I’ve been super open minded throughout all of this, mostly because I love to explore new things and people, I felt curiosity at the beginning, wanting to learn more about what pleases him, but now I don’t feel like I am getting what I want as a sub or a partner.

I am sharing this not looking for validation, but mainly advice, a perspective that could help me understand this situation a little bit better, and I would especially love a sadist’s perspective on this since I want to understand what could be going on from his side of things too.

Hey! Wardrobe control is one of my favorite kinks but I feel there are many ways to do it. In the past I have

1. Made them simply show me their outfit every time they change and I either approve or reject it.

Or

1. You pick every article of clothing for them.

Doms, what ways have you done wardrobe control?

Subs, what do you like about wardrobe control? How do you like it to go?

Open to any other discussions on wardrobe control in general as well.

Me (F20) and my dom switch bf (m21) had a weird thing happen recently. He was always so submissive during sex and life style. So ofc I was dom and took care of him. All the sudden he wants to be dom and have me be his pet.
Has anyone even went dom to sub fast? Also how is it being a pet? Being a pet in a dog kennel, eating/drinking out of big bowls and what not. How do subs just let go of power and be directed and controlled?
Do men like trying to make girls subby just for them?

Has anyone bought from them before? This is my 1st time purchasing a custom collar for my sub and was just wondering as I placed my order 10/8 with no updates yet 10/21?

Always wanted to, I don’t know how and most I’ve seen are scams

experiências com acessórios desse tipo, agradeço!

My girlfriend and I are new to the BDSM community, and we're looking for accessories that represent our D/s dynamic. In private, she wears a collar, and when we go out, she wears a necklace with the initial of my name.

I'd love some recommendations for discreet collars, necklaces, or other accessories that symbolize ownership and connection while still looking like ordinary jewelry in everyday settings.

If anyone has any suggestions or personal experience with this kind of accessory, I'd really appreciate it!

Hi all. Content warning: scars, skin, weight loss surgery, body changes.

I’ve recently lost 80+ pounds and have some loose skin. I’m still another 80 from my goal weight. So, then skin issue is going to continue to get worse.

I am a fan of impact play. And I’ve been trying to find resources and/or people’s personal experiences on how loose skin can affect the skin’s abilities on scarring, bruising, and marking from heavy impact play.

My Sir is starting to become worried about doing damage too easily on the loose/sagging skin. So we’re both trying to gather more information to move forward safely.

So, does anyone have any insight? And/or resources?

Hey all! I've finally decided to give therapy another shot, but I specifically want a kink aware therapist since it's such a big part of my life and what I want to work through. I have no earthly idea how to go about this.

I'm American, so my options are limited by my insurance, and my last time I went with someone recommended by my workplace and it was very unhelpful. Does anyone have any advice or resources?

Also if this is the wrong place for this question, please point me in the right direction!

Just looking to chat humiliation kink and swap stories or tips/tricks. Open to chatting about any kinks though.

Hellol friends! I wanted to kindly ask you for some kinky movie reccomendations, or if you could share films that deeply resonate with you and your sexual journey.

Movies played a huge part in my self-realization when I was still too isolated to explore the power dynamics that I was secretly deeply longing for.

In return, I wanted to share some of my own suggestions as well:

1. Submit to Me (1985) by Richard Kern
2. Beyond Vanilla (2001) by Claes Lilja
3. Fetishes (1996) by Nick Broomfield
4. Lies (1999) by Jang Sun-woo
5. Tokyo Decadence (1992) by Ryū Murakami
6. New Tokyo Decadence: The Slave (2007) by Osamu Satō
7. The Story of O (1975) by Just Jaeckin
8. Fruits of Passion (1981) by Shūji Terayama
9. S&M Judge (2009) by Erik Lamens
10. A New Love in Tokyo (1994) by Banmei Takahashi
11. O Fantasma (2000) by João Pedro Rodrigues

Would love to hear your thoughts, stories, and suggestions:))

My sub has been getting promoted pretty steadily at work, and she’s now responsible for several departments and more than half the organization. She’s great at what she does, but the stress is really starting to get to her.
Last night she couldn’t sleep, and I spent most of the night just holding her while she cried. I hate seeing her like this, especially when there’s not much I can do to fix what’s causing it.
So I’m looking for some ideas on how to help her relax and deal with the stress.
I’ve been making sure she takes time for selfcare, and that helps a little, but even when I take her to the spa, she’s constantly checking her phone and putting out fires at work. It’s like she never actually gets to be off the clock.
I bought her some LEGO flowers, thinking it would be something fun and relaxing we could do. She was enjoying them until she got stuck on something, got frustrated, and ended up even more upset. So I finished them for her. I wanted her to have the flowers without them turning into another thing on her to do list.
I’ve also taken over the housework and other domestic stuff so she has one less thing to worry about.
I’m trying to give her somewhere she doesn’t have to be in charge, make decisions, or worry about taking care of everyone else. Somewhere she can just relax and let me take care of her for a change.
But I’m running out of ideas. I can’t fix her job, and I can’t make the stress disappear.
For those of you with subs in high-stress jobs, what do you do to help them unwind? Especially when they’re so used to being responsible for everything that they have a hard time switching it off.
I’d love to hear what’s actually worked for you.
.

My girlfriend and I are into BDSM but lately we've been wanting someone to join. Or something the long of lines of hookups.

Any advice on where to seek others?

Any apps? My girlfriend has tried Grindr (she's a trans woman) and we've had no luck on there, at least when it comes to people into BDSM

Even possibly seeking a third would be nice too

I’m an amature when it comes to all things BDSM, and I’m looking for communities or groups I can get involved with in Gothenburg and/or Stockholm. I want to learn more about the BDSM world.

By "clubs," I mean hangouts or similar spaces where one can socialize and interact with others who are interested in BDSM. And on a similar note...are there any clubs or hangouts where wearing kink gear is allowed/accepted?

So, I recently talked with my partner (we've been pretty vanilla so far) about the BDSM fantasies/needs I've always had. I've never really done anything kinky before, and he was super open to the conversation! We both agreed, though, that it's something we should tackle one step at a time instead of just jumping right in.

What I'd love is some recommendations on how to start exploring all this stuff together. I've listed some of my kinks at the end of the post in case that helps people tailor their advice to our situation.

While he's more sexually experienced than I am, he hasn't really tried much more "intense" sex stuff, so I totally understand that he's a bit apprehensive and nervous about how to incorporate kink into our sex life. That said, I also love him to death for being so open-minded and nonjudgmental about my needs, and I want this to be something we can explore and enjoy together.

Some of the kinks I've mentioned to him that I'd definitely like to try are pet play, dominance and submission, restraints, gear, chastity and maybe some dirty talk (he's a bit more apprehensive about this one and I totally understand why).

I'd really appreciate any tips or advice on how to start incorporating these things into our sex life, especially when we're both pretty new to BDSM. How did you guys get started? Is there anything you wish you'd known when you first started exploring kink with a partner?

Thanks in advance for any advice! I really appreciate it.

Okay, this is kind of embarrassing to say out loud, but I figure this is the right place to ask.

I struggle with dirty talk as a Dom. Before a session I’ve got a bunch of phrases and ideas in my head, I feel prepared, and then the moment we actually start, my mind goes completely empty. Everything I planned just disappears, and during the session I end up quiet or repeating the same things.

The worst part is that I can tell my sub isn’t getting what they want out of it. They never say anything harsh, but I can feel it, and that makes me more nervous, which makes the blanking worse. It’s a bit of a spiral.

I’ve already watched YouTube videos on it, but they feel generic and don’t help once I’m actually in the moment.

So, a few questions:

• Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you get past it?
• Are there practical tips that worked for you, like prepping notes, practicing alone, or building it up slowly?

Any advice or personal experience would really help, especially for those moments during a session when your mind goes blank. 

PS: when sexting, it all goes smooth and easy. I find the right words without even thinking 🙃

Hi! I am a bdsm practitioner of most of my adult life. I am a complete gearhead and constantly looking for ways to upgrade my inventory. This morning it occurred to me that my current couple of blindfolds are usually a bit disappointing to play with, they're not really as effective as I'd like. There's always a little bit of light and visibility poking in from over the nose and they slide around too much. If anyone could give me some product recommendations for better options I would love to hear them!

So I am typically a very submissive partner and person in general. Both my boyfriend and I are bisexual and wanting to lean into some different “roles”. I know when it comes to woman I have always been a switch, but I’m starting to think I am a switch with both men and woman now. My boyfriend wants to eventually try a chastity belt that I would have control over and have that dominance over him. I have never bought one before and could use some assistance! He is well hung and definitely a grower vs shower. Please help 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

My play-partner (24m) and I (23m) are doing some tickle play and we ran into the issue that padded wrist- and ankle cuffs are not enough support to restrain him comfortably while struggling (as one does while being tickled).

Do you have any recommendations for thigh and/or bicep cuffs that can take a bit of force away from the ankles / wrists respectively? I am also open for alternative ideas.

Thank you in advance!