I just went on a trip with my husband and my in-laws a few weeks ago. It was entirely planned by them, around their schedule, and the activities were whatever they wanted and I just tagged along as the wife.

My husband and I are now going on a trip to the States (we’re Canadian) with my parents to attend my cousin’s wedding. It’s being paid for entirely by my family and we’re going for the sole purpose of attending a wedding. My cousins, aunts, and uncles are flying in from other cities and countries. For some reason, when my husband told my father-in-law about our trip, my FIL insisted that my husband’s sister meet us there too and asked me if she could attend the wedding as well. I hesitated and said I could ask my cousin and left it at that.

Fast forward, and my FIL is still pushing for her to come. I saw she texted my husband and asked him what days we would be there. I feel frustrated because I’m going there to be able to spend time with MY family this time and I find this really intrusive. I also thought it was insanely weird to be texting my husband about this trip and not communicating or asking me, since it is a trip I booked and a trip I’m going on with my family.

But I’m not sure if I’m overreacting and being petty. I don’t want to be cold either. Do I even have a valid reason to be upset and bring this up to my husband?

I don’t even know where to start with this, I feel like I’m losing my mind.

For months now my friend‘s dad has been obsessed with specifically only *my* urinary habits - gods that sounds weird written out.
He completely believes that when he finds splashes of water on the UNDERSIDE of the lid that its from women peeing. He has told me that ‘anatomically’ it can’t be from a man (What?!) i have told him it’s from flushing the toilet, when ANYONE flushes the toilet but he’s convinced of two things: It’s only by a woman, and it HAS to be me even though there is a whole large family using the toilet)

I clean the toilet seat (top and underside) *every time* I use the restroom - it’s one of my OCD obsessions. (I have Literal OCD, not the cute kind, the crippling kind and cleaning the toilet seat was already part of that but now it’s got so much worse.)

and he STILL has been taking pictures of the toilet seat (supposedly, after I’ve used the toilet???) and he says the splashes are from me.

He has done this over and over AND OVER TO ME, not anyone else in their house - just me. I’m the only one he talks about, yells at, or takes pictures of the toilet

I have a history of being horrifically abused growing up and I know this isn’t on the same level but I’m still… this is messing me up.

I want to laugh? But I’m also so angry and upset I want to scream

Edit: I live here for the moment, I‘m disabled and I don’t have the money to get a new place right now. So I have a room here and the restroom is the only one in the common area. 

Edit edit: I pay rent and I do chores that I can. They have always treated me like I was an adopted family member and they don’t want me to go, getting upset and going as far as cancelling my plans when I try to leave (like one time I was meant to move and they all told me that I couldn't do that and that I wouldn’t know what if be doing and I wouldn’t be safe etc etc and they didn’t leave me alone till I cancelled my train ticket etc.) and I do love them, but this isn’t healthy.

I (26F) am an ER nurse and am 32 weeks pregnant currently. Today I was floating around the ER and just helping everyone in general. I have never had an issue with a coworker or ER provider before, and I generally get along pretty well either way everyone.

Today we had a patient who was severely autistic and nonverbal and needed a Foley catheter replaced. Guardian told us he has to be medicated with Ativan beforehand and it takes around 5-6 people to hold him down for it as he’s a strong guy.

My worker, who I’ll call C, was the primary nurse. She mentioned the patient seemed to like me as he actually let me take vital signs on him calmly (EMS couldn’t get any due to being combative) and kept trying to show me things on his iPad and reach out to hold my hand and guardian even stated that was unusual for him and he seemed calm with me.

C asked me for help administering IM Ativan before the procedure. I don’t restrain or lift people anymore as I am not risking getting kicked or punched while heavily pregnant. But they said they would restrain and all I had to do was give the shot as she felt he’d be calmer with me since he liked me. They had tried to replace his catheter earlier ( no clue if they gave anything then as I wasn’t there for it) and they couldn’t do it and had to call urology down for help as the catheter seemed stuck.

Urologist wanted a 14fr catheter which we didn’t have available in the unit. Since I was floating, I called another unit and asked them to set me some aside so we could give the IM Ativan for the second attempt and I could run upstairs to grab the catheter while the Ativan kicked in.

So it was me, C, ER doc and guardian at bedside, I was talking to the patient the whole time and he actually didn’t even have to be restrained for me to give the shot and didn’t seem to react much when I gave it as he was still trying to show me his iPad. I walked out of the room to then immediately go upstairs to grab the catheter.

The urologist happened to be walking in at that same time and stated,” where is the catheter?”. I informed him I was on my way to grab it and it would only be about 2 minutes for me to be back. He then said,” well I needed this 2 minutes ago”. I said,” I was in the room administering the medicine. I can’t do both things at once so I’ll be back shortly with the catheter.”

I turned towards the door when he snapped his fingers at me and said,” then go fetch, go run”. I literally froze and turned towards look at him and said,” excuse me?” He then once again snapped his fingers at me and said,” go, go running” in a rude tone. I almost lost my shit.

I said,” we’re not doing this ( snapped my fingers), I’m not a dog to be fetching your things. So you can check that attitude at the door while I go get those catheters.” He stood there frozen and didn’t say anything and I walked away. When I came back, he was in the room snapping at people, including the ER doctor. When I walked in, I calmly placed the catheters on the table and walked out. My coworker and ER doctor stated that he was grumbling under his breath the whole time and he just immediately walked out the ER once he finished the procedure.

My ER director asked me what happened later and was shocked he actually snapped his fingers at me and said she’d bring it up as it was highly disrespectful. One of my coworkers told me I could’ve just kept quiet and ignored him and I’m wondering if I was wrong and should’ve handled it differently. The ER doctor didn’t actually say anything but he first bumped me silently when he came out the room. So AITAH?

I scan Special Exhibition tickets at an art museum. This is my only job, full time, which I need while I go to school. At 4:30 pm, we stop selling Special Exhibition tickets because the museum is about to close. BUT, at 4:30 the museum’s permanent collection (80% of the museum) is free.

At 4:40 pm, a man (white, maybe 40’s or 50’s) comes up to the Special Exhibit entrance and says he’s a veteran. He asks since he served this country, and the museum is about to close, can we let him in for free? My friend and I said no and he made a scene. He said “you’re turning away a vet and his family. You know how that looks right?”

AITAH for not letting him in the special exhibit? He gets to see the permanent collection for free (vets always get permanent collection for free). I’m not a supervisor. I don’t make the rules. And I personally have never let anyone in without a ticket (except for maybe when a coworker comes in on an off day).

My therapist says I'm not the asshole, but this was just so confusing. I could really use some perspective and insight. There might be a whole layer of funeral etiquette I am missing. When I was very little I had really good preschool teacher "Joan" who owned her own daycare. I went there for about 7 years. Joan was a great teacher who really had a positive impact on me. One of the many good things Joan did was introduce me to her daughter "Cassie" who is the same age as me. Cassie became a lifelong friend. Though we aren't always in contact, we have been close at various parts our life.

a few months ago Joan died, and I was invited to the funeral. I few from another state there. Grief is really important to me. I spent a lot of time reflecting on Joan and the impact she had on my life. I myself am a teacher now, and the things Joan did for me as a child were really amazing. I wanted to go there and pay my respects and gratitude toward Joan and remember her.

Cassie, hasn't always had the best relationship with her Mother, and I've often heard her talk about her problems. When Cassie found out she was dying, she attempted to visit Joan. Joan apparently wouldn't let her, and disinherited her from the will. This of course has been really hard for Cassie.

I pictured myself showing up to a church like setting, seeing Cassie and giving her hug and talking for a bit, then discretely taking my seat in the back, I knew Cassie would be surrounded by local friends, and listening to the service. I would offer my condolences, but quietly grieve by myself. The family was catholic so I assumed a church service.

When I got there, it was very different. I greeted the family and I was of course directed to Cassie, who was sitting at a round table with friends. The service was not in a church, but a lovely room full of round tables. I sat with Cassie and her friends, where everyone was chatting about their lives. I also talked about my own life, and felt myself distracted from the grief, but whatever it was fine.

The non-religious service began, and Joan's obituary was read very matter-of-factly. After that there was time for people to share their memories of Joan. The stories people were sharing felt very strange, they didn't seem to actually talk much about Joan. For example, one person talked about how Joan owned a horse, and how after that they also bought a horse. Then they talked about how much they loved their own horse and all the good times they had with said horse. Joan was just mentioned because she also had a horse. They talked more about their horse than Joan. Someone else has a similar story where Joan was briefly mentioned, then they talked about something else entirely. They weren't talking about Joan at all, just sort of mentioning her in other antidotes that barely overlapped.

This was strange to me, but people grieve how they grieve. After many people went, I talked about what a great preschool teacher Joan was to me. I talked about the positive impact she had on my life, the gratitude I felt for her, and the things about her I thought were awesome, etc. To me, this was what paying my respects was. I was there to honor her life, to reflect and grieve, and also offer condolences to others. I didn't talk very long and tried to be respectful of time and space I was using.

After I said my little piece, it got rather quiet and awkward. Cassie looked upset. Then someone quickly went back to another story that didn't involve Joan. After that Cassie went outside and her friends, including me followed her out. Cassie cried, and expressed a lot of anger. She explained what a slap in the face it was that her mom impacted so many children's lives in a positive way, but had such a tough relationship with her. I felt terrible, realizing I had just rubbed salt in the wound.

I wanted to apologize, and when it was more quiet I did think I may have attempted to. But in that moment it was clear Cassie just needed to be upset and angry and I felt rushing to an apology might make it about me and my feelings while I think the focus needed to be on her. Her anger didn't appear to be directed at me, but rather at Joan. We talked later, and after the service I went with Cassie and her friends for drinks, where I made a point to listen as much as possible and non-insert my own relationship with Joan. Cassie did appear very hurt and upset and I couldn't tell if she was upset with me for saying that. Hopefully I smoothed things over but I can't really tell.

At the time, I thought the way people were barely talking about Joan was about sort of self-absorbed, but looking back I think it may have been on purpose to not trigger those like Cassie who had a strained relationship. I had no idea this was a thing at funerals, holding back your affections for the deceased out of respect for those grieving. I had always been raised to believe you said a bunch of good things about the deceased at their funerals, even if you couldn't stand them. I always thought that's what it meant to pay your respects.

I am very confused now, who are funerals actually for? Are they for the deceased? I wanted to remember Joan and give her my gratitude. My therapist says what I did is okay, because funerals are for grieving, and part of my grief process was remembering her and what she did for me. But I feel like what I did imposed on Cassie's grief and I never meant to do that. Is this a thing in completions families to behave like this? Is this just how some families do funerals?

So I (16f) and my sister (12f) go to the same building for school and we were getting ready for the day, and about to leave for school when my dad sees what she’s wearing.

He gets on her that it’s inappropriate for her to be wearing shorts and a tank top with a push up bra to school in October in Canada, he calls it too revealing and asks me to back him up.

I say nothing because I didn’t want to pile on because I don’t appreciate it when they try to drag me into conversations. Afterwards on the walk to the bus stop I told her as lightly as I could that she doesn’t dress appropriately for school or for her age at all, and that I’m concerned she’s presenting herself as “mature” for guys.

She started to scream at my that I was being weird and to just butt out but she’s already attracting a lot of weird attention and I’ve heard a lot of rumours of the guys she talks to and I’m suspicious of her vaping which wouldn’t be uncommon for my school. She has a long history of behavioural issues, which I’m concerned about especially because she’s resistant to therapy and medication

AITAH For telling her she dresses age inappropriate?

Edit: I can’t exactly directly tell you who she’s dressing like this for but the rumours mainly circulate around her and this boy 2 years older than her (12 and 14 doesn’t sound too bad but it’s wildly different development stages) and so I think she wants to dress like that to fit in and feel mature. (Again this is just my personal opinion, I can’t say for certain)

For context, im in university and live in uni accommodation. My flat has 8 rooms total and we all have our own bathroom and shower in our rooms. Theres 4 rooms on each side of the hallway and a kitchen between room 4 and 5, as well as small storage units between room 4 and the kitchen. The building is well insulated, you genuinely cannot hear anything including vacuumes, hairdryers etc unless you stand out in the hallway.

Than being said, last year i was room 4, the washing machine in the kitchen is on room 4's side. Ive always been more of a night owl, so i do all my cooking and washing at night. And because i was in that room, i know for a fact that you cant hear the washing machine at all from that there. You can bearly even hear it out from the hallway. This year, im in a different room and for a month straight, i did my usually washing at night with no complaints. Then the washing machine broke so me and my flatmates starting talking about it, and they mentioned never seeing me use it so i told them i only use it at night. After that conversation, the girl staying in room 4 messaged me asking if i could the washing machine earlier because the noise has been keeping her up all night.

Now i know for a fact that shes lying, because shes very vocal and wouldve absolutely said something the first time, she sleeps early and wakes up early all happy and refreshed, and i know that you cant hear anything going on in the kitchen from that room. But it was whatever, i agreed and stopped.

She goes out every saturday and comes back around 3am, so i started doing the washing when shes not in, but one day she came eaely and saw me chilling in the kitchen, she came in to say hi and saw that there were clothes in the machine (the cycle was done at that point) and got upset that i didnt respect her wishes. Again, i know shes just being a control freak but im introverted and dont want to live with someone that hates me so i just apologised and said i wont do it again.

Fast forward to last week, she came back from clubbing and heard my shower on (you can only faintly hear it if youre in the hallway) so next morning she sent a text to the flats groupchat asking if everyone can respect the quiet hours and to please not make noise at night. My other flatmates were confused and asked what happened so she told them i was always doing things in the kitchen and showering at night. My other flatmates did kinda call her bs out and told her that they all take night showers, make a late night snack every now and then, and that she cant hear that. She got pissed at all of us because until now, she thought i was the only one at up so late since shes literally sleeping at night as has no awareness of any noise going on.

But that just annoyed me, i dont need to be told what to do by someone with control issues so i just went back to my old routine and now shes so pissed at everyone so shes being difficult about shared spaces

Funeral was of a distant relative we didn't know well, and we were at that relative's house. The house was quite big so me (17F) and all my paternal cousins were placed in a separate room. I'm not that close with my cousins so I was just on my phone. The other cousins were chatting and joking around with each other. My brother (13M) asked my cousin (22F), let's call her, Taffy, if she was gonna hit the gym anytime soon.

Taffy replied that she was probably gonna go to a female only gym if she goes. Then Taffy's brother (23M), let's call him Aaron, told the room that's because his sister was a high value woman. I was really disgusted at this statement and told him my mom (who is very religious and wears the Hijab) went to a regular gym and there's no correlation with that with being a "high value woman". He replied that he just meant some women just go to the gym to show their ass, to which me and my female cousins started calling him out, but i could tell apart from me my other female cousins were laughing and treating it as a joke.

My other male cousin (18M) said women do do that and if men try to say anything, they get all the rape allegations. Aaron added to that laughing about how it's hard to raise these topics among 'raging feminists', I replied to that saying was that supposed to be an insult, and that it was shameful he wasn't a raging feminist considering he lived with his single mom and his sister, and i said this very loudly, so the room went silent.

I got a talking from the adults and my mom has to hear and earful from Aaron and Taffy's mom (she's my dad's sister and has always made my mom's life miserable) saying how she should raise her daughter properly and it's unfit for a woman to raise her voice this loudly and cause a scene at a funeral. My mom didn't defend what Aaron and my other cousin said, but she told me I could've just kept quiet since it was a funeral setting.

I'm not sorry for speaking up but I do feel guilty my mom had to hear all of that because of me and it was also a funeral setting, people were mourning, even if we were in another room- so i am wondering if it was okay for me to speak up in that situation.

AITA?

Before I start this story, I want to say that I am fully aware I am in a privileged position and that I have a great relationship with my partner's mother.

I (30F) live together with my boyfriend (34M). We started dating two years ago, and I moved into his apartment about a year ago. He bought this apartment before we met.

When he moved out of his parents' home, his mother offered to come by every Wednesday to help with some chores. I know this might sound unusual, but this woman LOVES to clean! It isn't something my boyfriend ever demanded or expected from her; she simply loves to visit during the day, clean the house, take care of chores like laundry, and even cook a meal so the three of us can eat dinner together.

I want to emphasize that my bond with her is super good. I genuinely enjoy her company, and I know that her help makes our lives so much easier. I often work shifts (including weekends), and my boyfriend sometimes doesn't get home from work until 8 PM. Furthermore, I have ADHD and he has ADD, so having her come over to help is a massive benefit, and I am beyond grateful for it.

However, I sometimes find it a bit awkward when she does our laundry. For one, I like to wear skimpy underwear. While I'm obviously allowed to wear whatever I want, it feels super weird knowing that my boyfriend's mom handles underwear that I wear in front of her son. The same goes for underwear with period stains. Of course, it's completely normal that I—a grown woman—bleed every month, but I still feel awkward knowing she sees the stains. Sure, she is a woman too and has two daughters of her own, but I can't shake the awkwardness.

I talked about this with my boyfriend. While he completely understands my feelings, he suggested that I should be the one to talk to his mom about it since I'm the one feeling uncomfortable.

The problem is that I don't want to make her feel unappreciated or ungrateful. Like I said, I am so thankful for her help. Because of my ADHD, keeping a room—let alone a whole apartment—tidy is not my strong point. I have a friend with ADHD whose house is always a disaster, even with a monthly cleaning lady, so I know how lucky I am.

Because of this, I feel super torn. So, Reddit, WIBTA if I asked her to stop doing our laundry (or step back from cleaning a bit)?

EDIT : I ofcourse do my own chores. i do my laundry and i try to keep the appartment as tidy as posible. But still then she likes to come by and do all this.

Two days ago it was my younger brother's 19th birthday. In my family birthdays have never been a big deal and I barely remember my parents celebrated it at all when we were kids. And I don't really remember getting anything from my family members (except for some money from my parents and grandparents which I'm grateful for, but you know, it's a pretty much soulless gift, I really prefer small but meaningful presents over 20-50 euros). And for the last few years I am the one who makes the cake for my own birthday and make party for my family and friends, never making a big deal about not getting presents (especially from my brothers although I gave them gifts)

My brother don't like celebrating birthdays and really doesn't give a f about it. But I wanted to make him a cake and I did so. I made the cake he really likes, bought all the ingredients, decorated it very nicely, wrote "happy birthday (name)" on it and I was so happy about it and he was happy too. And today my mother told me "You could've bought him something, he doesn't get any gifts, you buy your friends gifts, but not your brothers, you should be ashamed, you could've bought him a deodorant, shampoo, anything, it's not like it costs a lot of money". I told her that I've made the cake and really put my heart and soul in it and thought it was a thoughtful present of mine. But she said "You just did my job and I'll pay you for the ingredients when I get my salary, you should've bought him something, your brothers should've bought you something for your birthday, what kind of siblings are you, you don't care about each other at all". And I started crying because I really felt like an asshole. I really could've bought him something, but I thought the cake was enough. And I still think that tho. Because I think the easiest present is the one you buy, I much more value presents which you invest not only money, but time, patience, love and I think this cake is that kind of a present. It's something I would do only for people I care about the most. Am I right or AITAH? Is a cake a bare minimum for birthday or can really be a present?

So my brother and his wife have been married for 7 years and have 2 children (3yo and 1yo). My brother is currently in nursing school while his wife stays at home with the kids. She has no job and no degree and doesn’t have any aspirations to get either. She just wants to be a SAHM, which is her business. Today my brother came to me and told me that he no longer loves his wife and wants to leave. I, of course, told him that’s a such a big decision and will have lifelong consequences and he then said he will need a place to stay. I told him that I love him but I don’t want anyone staying with me, especially when it’s his own choice to leave. This is the first time I’ve lived by myself and I just moved into this apartment in August. It is a 1bed/1bath. I previously lived with my mother but she has passed and then I lived with my grandmother for a year and half before living with my brother, his wife and kids for 2 years. My father told me that I need to support my brother and he’s going to need support if he makes that decision. I think that it is inherently selfish and i shouldn’t care the responsibility of a decision that my brother is making. My brother is mad at me and saying he’ll figure it out in his own but I feel bad and don’t know what to do about the situation. I am aware that I, too, am being selfish but i feel like I have a right to be. this is my first apartment by myself and i love living alone and having my own peace of mind once i get home from work.

AITAH for thinking this way?

Clarification: He didn’t let me live with him. He came back from the military and i moved back to our hometown. they didn’t want to stay with their in laws /her parents so we agreed to find a house to rent. My brother, wife and two kids and I stayed in a 3 bed 2 bath and we split rent and utilities. the only reason i got my own place was because they got housing and i was not able to come with. it was kind of forced on me last minute but i got a pay raise so was able to make it work. I have never lived anywhere and didn’t pay my share.

EDIT: Thank you guys so much for all the advice. I think the only thing I can do in this moment is to wait to see how it plays out.

I just found out my pregnant, very early on. I currently have a 13 year old and my husband and I have been trying for almost two years. Last year, we had three miscarriages and my husband was a wreck. We can’t seem to get past the 11 week mark. He cried often about it, and sometimes he has bad days when friends announce their pregnancies.
I haven’t told him yet. I am thinking of waiting until I make it to the 12 week mark. The last two times, he was hyper fixated on the pregnancy and honestly did stress me out a bit. I feel comfortable right now.. stress free. whatever happens, happens. We do have plans to begin IVF in the new year. By 12 weeks, if all goes well, we can skip IVF and put the money toward baby. I am trying to protect his feelings, but I’m unsure if this would actually hurt his feelings in the long run? I’ve known for about 5 days now and I hate keeping a secret from him. But I think also he would be joyed to know we finally made it past the “safe” zone. (I’m aware miscarriages can happen anytime). I want him to fully be able to enjoy a pregnancy, not spend the first months stressing out to oblivion.
Anyways, WIBTAH or are my good intentions going to be understood and appreciated?

I (F, 23) happen to do a bit of baking as a hobby in my spare time.

For clarification, I initially picked up the hobby in late 2020 and do it on the side here and there for events at my college, like bake sales in addition to baking for friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers, etc. I have baked everything from cookies to breads in bulk out of my home's kitchen, but my baking is usually on rare occurrences during college semesters, work, etc. When I have baked for my household in the past, barely anyone eats anything I bake other than particular cookies and breads; if I bake, for example, banana bread, no one eats it besides myself. I will also state that I have worked in food services and follow guidelines like wearing gloves, etc and ensuring a space is clean, sanitized, and clear of possible contaminants or allergies someone I'm baking for might have; likewise, I buy all my own ingredients and supplies in correlations to other groceries for my household. With this small background clarification covered, I will begin to discuss the issue.

My brother, Chris (20) frequently will ask me for baked goods while I am in the middle of baking breads, cookies, or other pastries for events or for people I know. To begin, I don't mind baking something, but to the extent that my sibling wants is exhausting. He has, in the last few weeks to a month asked several times, and even at one point on a whim through a call, to bake cookies or banana bread for people he is friends with a works with. In total, I have baked several quintupled batches of desserts with specific requirements from wanting nuts, to no nuts, having extra chocolate chips, etc. He has not offered to pay for any of the supplies, when I ask he shrugs it off and says he has no money at that time or when he says he will pay, on a rare occasion, it will just end there at the conversation and nothing will happen.

I have said no to him before, but if I say I will get around to doing it, he will harp and bug me until it gets completed. Even if I say I am extremely busy, he pulls you promised card, so I have to drop what I'm doing to stop him from bugging me every chance of the day he gets until it's done. Even when he gets the baked goods he needs, which are wrapped and all good to go, he just hands them off to a random person if he can't find the person, he was initially going to give the baked goods to before coming back and asking for me to re-bake another batch for that person. I feel like I am in a Victorian bakery sweatshop and I have gotten to the point where I need a break.

The final straw was when I asked him why he couldn't bake this himself or let alone learn how to bake because it is a good skill to learn. His response was that it was a "woman's job to bake". I have flat out said I am no longer baking for him or his friends or coworkers because of inequal distribution of my labor into this since I'm going through so much supplies that he isn't offering to repay for.

So, am I the asshole?

so, i'm 21M and my boyfriend is 23M. we're both eachothers first relationship. we met on a dating app, and he's absolutely everything i ever wanted: charming, caring, kind, loving. we almost never argue, and our relationship is a dream. we've been around a year together.

i'm a med student and he's an accounting graduate. so, naturally, my routine is more demanding and so is he, since he works in the morning and goes to uni on the afternoon. he has been diagnosed with depression since set/25, and also, he has confessed to me that he isn't really all that into accounting, and that he'd rather do something else. before starting this graduaiton, he went halfway through a graduation in economy, but left because of his colleagues, claiming it was a very elitist setting.

now he's been two years into accounting, however, he keeps failing due to absences from classes. this semester, he picked up five and already failed three. usually, i try to encourage him to keep trying, especially since he's from a simple family. but it's getting on my nerves. it just seems like he doesn't really want to graduate, and honestly, that's ok, but just DO something else instead of wasting your time and money going to uni.

and beyond that, i also think about the future. where i'm from, doctors are fairly well paid and i don't want to be the one supporting the house or for us to have a very large salary difference. i love him, but i don't know how much of this i can take without stressing me out. i always wanted someone who had the same academic aspirations as me, and he doesn't have any, which is ok, but at least graduate so you'll have a decent job yk?

anyway, WIBTAH if i broke up with him because of this?

sorry for any grammar mistakes btw, english is not my first language

edit: thank you all for such nice comments and different POVs. it has really made me think. now, i believe i expressed myself poorly, and i apologize. it's not as much as about the money as i made it seem. i really do want him to persue his dream whatever they are, but what i don't get is why he insists on something that makes him unhappy. i just think he's losing his time on a career he doesn't really like while he could be trying out other stuff — and if he really does want to graduate and all, i just hoped that he'd take it a bit more seriously. as in regards to his mental health, he did start medical and psycological treatment last year, but he interrupted it. i did try and encourage him to continue it, offering to accompany him if he wanted me to, but he says he is "fine" and doesn't need it

My boyfriend and I have been together for around two years having been friends for much longer. We love each other and have a genuinely wonderful relationship in many ways.
I don’t want to spend the rest of our relationship policing his interactions with people, but I think there are some boundaries one should have in a relationship, for example I think it’s okay to have female friends from prior to the relationship but not necessarily make very close female friends who are not mutual friends in any way after getting into a relationship… It’s a slippery slope.
There’s a particular friendship with a female coworker that makes me uncomfortable and I’m struggling to explain to him why without it becoming an argument about whether he’s “allowed” to have female friends.
For context they chat/snap daily on Snapchat, she’s his top friend on Snapchat (we don’t use it with each other). I’m not entirely sure whether they’re actively having conversations every day or just a streak.
They also share songs with each other which I recently saw on his Spotify. Songs she’s sent him: The Look, Let Her Go and My Body Isn’t Ready by sombr.
They have a WhatsApp conversation with disappearing messages enabled which isn’t something he uses with other people, but I don’t know who turned the setting on and if that’s what she has on with everyone.
I haven’t seen anything explicitly romantic or sexual between them and I am not interested in looking through his phone, I won’t lower myself to that. But I am uncomfortable with this friendship and I genuinely think I’m within my right to be. I have male friends too but none that I speak to on a daily basis like that or that he hasn’t met.
I don’t want to assume the worst about him but I’m sorry I think a man in a serious relationship shouldn’t be putting himself in this kind of position. I’m not even saying he’s done anything wrong yet necessarily but it’s genuinely one drunk work party away from crossing a line.

I think there’s a difference between having female friends and maintaining a level of private, frequent communication with another woman that your partner reasonably finds uncomfortable. Even if there has never been any reason to question someone’s loyalty, I don’t find this okay or reasonable.

I genuinely felt very good and secure in our relationship until having seen the song sharing and having an actual think about what this all looks like. I think for a while I have not wanted to rock the boat of our relationship finally feeling good so I never expressed how I felt about it and just tried not thinking about it. I’d be fine if they spoke occasionally but it’s a bit much.
They don’t hang out outside work besides one time recently they went out with 2 other men after work until quite late but that was not something that usually happens.

What upsets me as well is that the conversation seems to become about whether I trust him and whether I am being controlling, rather than whether we can find boundaries that make us both feel respected. I also can’t seem to get across that I simply don’t find this okay or reasonable in a committed relationship. I’m sure his family members in relationships don’t do this.

When I brought this up with him, he became frustrated and said that he’s allowed to have female friends, which I obviously agree with. But I tried to explain that my issue isn’t with him having female friends, it’s with the level of closeness and daily private communication with this particular woman. I told him I don’t find that appropriate in a committed relationship and that I think we should establish some boundaries around this kind of friendship.
He sees it as a normal friendship and seems to feel that I’m being controlling by questioning it, whereas I feel that I’m asking for something reasonable out of respect for our relationship. We haven’t been able to agree on this and I don’t want to keep having the same argument.
So AITAH for raising this with him and asking us to establish boundaries around the friendship, despite not having any evidence that he’s actually done anything inappropriate? Am I being unfair to him by expecting him to change how he interacts with this coworker?

I 20f was invited by my 22M, family to go spend Christmas and thanksgiving with them. I don’t have the best relationship with my parents due to multiple reasons and this has led to my parents and I not talking as much. My father 42m has problems with alcohol and at times can be difficult to deal with, and my mother 42f makes it very known that I’m not the favorite and that’s something it’s very hard for me to come to terms with. Recently at my brother 16m birthday party she announced she had got him a new phone, and she didn’t tell me because it might make me mad — on top of that she got him a new bed and bed frame (something I asked for when I was that age and I was told I was being unreasonable). I wasn’t mad about the phone I’m an adult and I can buy my own. However what I am mad about is my father “accidentally texting me” during this dinner saying he was mad that I didn’t talk to him. (He said the txt was meant for my mom) I want to preface we were on opposite ends of the table I couldn’t talk to him without screaming. Sooo the next time I went over there he yelled at me because I was being a disrespectful daughter. You kinda get the point of how my family is… anyway my boyfriend’s mom 46f is the opposite she’s very maternal and welcoming, and his parents have opened their arms to me. So naturally when they invited me to spend Christmas and thanksgiving I didn’t hesitate, however in the back of my mind I knew the fallout would be bad. So last week we went to dinner with my boyfriend’s parents and my mom knew this, so I figured after that would be a good time.

So after dinner I texted her, she said “okay whatever I’ll spend Christmas with people who actually want to be with me.” I told her I loved her and then my boyfriend made me shut my phone off bc I was getting upset. The next day she texted me again telling me that my grandma is “not letting me miss thanksgiving I can invite his entire family but I’m not going to his.” And I sent back with a simple “no.” She immediately called me and was threatening me with cutting my car and health insurance. I told her that was not right and she told me that she wouldn’t do that she was just angry. I asked her if I could still do something with them in the days before and she told me no. I stand my ground, but I feel guilty because this is the first time I’m not caving into something major my mom wants. So AITAH?

I'm 30F, and my dad recently passed away. Before his death, our family disagreed about his end-of-life care. My brother was his designated healthcare decision-maker, and we arranged hospice so family could spend time with my dad and say goodbye.

My uncle strongly disagreed with our decisions. He called my mom, who has been divorced from my dad for over 10 years, and allegedly threatened her and said he would hurt us if we didn't continue feeding my dad.

I texted him asking him to stop harassing my mom and said I'd call the police if he continued. He responded, “Fuck you.” After I told him to grow up, he texted, “I will fuck you guys all.” When I said I'd call the police and file for a restraining order, he told me to go ahead.

I took the threats seriously and filed for a temporary restraining order. He's since been served and shared a picture of the order in a family group chat, which has created more drama. He's also said he'll explain to the judge how my dad died, which I assume relates to the hospice disagreement.

My dad's funeral is coming up, and my uncle will be there. I'm genuinely afraid he might approach or threaten me. My brother has asked me to reconsider dropping the order so the family can get through the funeral peacefully. I initially told him I would, and he thanked me, saying we wouldn't have to interact with our uncle after the funeral.

I feel guilty because my siblings are grieving, too, and I don't want to make things harder for them. But I'm the one who received the threats, and I don't feel safe around my uncle. I also feel like everyone expects me to let his behavior go just to keep the peace.

I don't want revenge or family drama. I just don't think threats should be brushed aside because there's a funeral coming up. At the same time, I understand why my siblings want to avoid more conflict during an already painful time.

AITAH for wanting to keep pursuing the restraining order even though my family wants me to drop it for the funeral?

AITA for telling my roommate He doesn't deserve dogs?  So, for the past 7 years my roommate own two big dogs, German shepherd and Husky. Ever since the beginning he neglects responsibilities such as picking up dog poop in the backyard and other dog responsibilities such as grooming both dogs since they shed a lot. walking them, feeding them which he forgets and sometimes he feeds them at 11PM at night or sometimes he’s gone all day without the dogs eating, these dogs are active and the reason he got both of them is to lose weight. Let’s just say that it didn’t work out because walking with dogs don’t suit him. I got tired of reminding him for his responsibilities, so I have been doing them 99 percent of the time. The German shepherd late last year got skin infection and roommate complained that it cost him over 3K for vet bills. I told him that he is not really doing a great job following instructions from the Vet. 11 months later the dog is still in bad condition. For example: Dog has to take meds daily for 60 days. He forgets most of the time until I remind him.

Along with meds the dog has to take medicated bath twice a week and he also forgets until I remind him.  The dog didn’t really finish his required medication because roommate refused to rely on meds only, so he stops giving him.  Along with that he also got lazy doing medicated bath, so I have been doing them for the past 3 weeks now to restart the whole treatment. Now he offered to help me give the dog a bath, but his idea of helping is holding the dogs leash so he will stay in one spot while I fill up two large buckets with warm water, scrub the dog, dry the dog so basically everything.  I told him that what he’s doing is not helpful at all, so I don’t mind doing it all by myself going forward.  He didn’t like that and he said Well I won't buy the shampoo anymore unless I help. By holding the leash only??? I never owned dogs in my life ever and I have gotten so attached to them that I do all of the responsibilities since I don’t mind it at all. They keep me active and busy which is good for my health.  I told him that most dog owners would be so happy and grateful that someone is doing all the responsibilities. His response: Well, I do mind and just let me take care of my dogs. He also mentioned that he is thinking of finding to get someone to adopt the sick dog because he doesn't know what to do with him. That made me so mad that I told him if he makes that decision, he just ended our 20-year friendship.

My coworker and I work on a busy unit where I am a nurse and she is a tech.

Julia and I have worked together a few years now and have always gotten along. We’re not so close that we regularly hang out outside of work but we were fairly close coworkers. Our jobs require us to work together and per of her job includes checking in with nurses in the beginning of the shift to make a plan for the shift and rounding to check on patients/nurses to see if they need help during the shift. Prior to being a nurse, I worked as a tech on the same unit so I’m pretty familiar with the workflow. Over the past several weeks, she’s stopped rounding completely and it has made it a lot harder for me to get help with 2-person tasks unless I can find a nurse who’s not busy.

The other thing that happened a few weeks ago is that she took initiative and got a patient washed up by herself, but since she never checked in with me beforehand, it messed up the timing for other things I needed to do with the patient. I told her I appreciated it, but I would’ve liked if she’d just mentioned it to me beforehand. I guess I wasn’t appreciative enough because for the rest of that shift and for the next two weeks, she barely said a word to me and stopped rounding on me completely.

When I talked to her about it, she denied that it was related to that shift and said that she wasn’t rounding on anyone and that I was taking it too personally and was the only one with an issue. She told me to instead use our works secure messaging app if I need her help.

The next few shifts we worked together, that’s what I did. But she wouldn’t check the app and when she did finally read messages, she’d leave them on read without any response. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt so this went on for a couple more shifts before I told her that messaging her wasn’t working and I’d like her to go back to the traditional rounding/checking in.

The next couple shifts were the same - no rounding, no checking in. I sent her a message reminding her that I’d appreciate if she could round since I can’t always find someone to help me and she got fairly rude..

I’m tired of trying to do everything myself because she’s not rounding or looking at her messages. I wanted to avoid getting her in trouble which is why I talked to her first, but now I wish I had just escalated sooner because I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to get her in trouble just because she’s being rude and we’re no longer friends.

WIBTAH for talking to my manager?

10 and a half years ago, my wife and I bought a house in the suburbs. The people next door have a daughter the same age as ours who went to the same elementary school in the same class, but we didn't know each other. For a while, we encouraged the girls to be friends, but in 7th grade their daughter slapped our daughter "as a joke," thus ending the friendship.

2-3 years ago they put in a pool. The workers blocked our driveway several times and traipsed across our lawn for their work, and we didn't say anything. We have a tree in the backyard that's about 10-15 feet from the fence, but the branches overhang and drops leaves. I've had it professionally trimmed on three occasions, and I and/or my gardener have trimmed it as well.

Apparently my gardener told the neighbors the roots were going to be an issue, so they immediately tore up their driveway and some old cement in their backyard and poured an all new driveway and some kind of pad along the fence line in their backyard - I don't know what it is because I never stuck my head over to see.

Also, they put their trash cans in front of our house, and more than once, I found trash in my yard with their names on old discarded mail, amongst other stuff. I always cleaned it up and never mentioned it to them. Now our daughters go to the same high school, and apparently, their daughter is always talking shit about my daughter behind her back to anyone who will listen.

They ask us via text to remove the tree in a way that said it was all about protecting their pool. I didn't respond. One week later when the concrete was being poured, the workers again blocked our driveway 2x at times when we needed to pull in and pull out. My wife asked the workers not to do this. The following day, they blocked it again as I was pulling in with groceries. I asked the driver not to block my driveway, and he told me to f*** off. I started unloading my car and I see him traipsing across my lawn, so I get mad and I go, "oh no. You're not using my yard for staging," and the neighbor immediately comes over (in the street) and starts yelling at me.

We get into a heated discussion, and I tell him about the driveway being blocked, and him putting his trashcans in front of my house and his daughter being disrespectful to my daughter and he only cares about making me take the tree down, and telling me I'm wrong and I don't own the street, so I tell him, "we looked it up, and you can do whatever you want on your side, but if it kills our tree, that's on you." My wife doesn't want to take the tree down, and she's embarrassed about the confrontation. I feel badly about being part of this. AITA?

Ok, so for context, growing up I was yelled at A LOT. Not just the occasional, to get your attention, but full out scream session if I forgot to take the trash out. It scared the heck out of me too, I felt like no where was safe from my dad yelling or making threats. I have confided in this friend about this several times and she is very understanding and comforts me. However, recently when she asked me to do something, I responded slightly annoyed and maybe raised my voice a bit, but it completely caught me off guard when she immediately snapped "don't yell at me!!" I was thought the remark was pretty unfair considering what I have been used to yelling sounding/looking like. I was honestly a bit hurt by this and didn't apologize. Should I have? Should raising your voice count as yelling too?

Please give honest feedback, thank you

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/4Rphcsv0rO

Hi!! It’s been about 9 months since I last posted about a situation I had with my boyfriend (who I’ll call Boyfriend). Basically, he was mad that I kept hanging out with a friend I made at an academy because they have tension from the past.

I got a lot of criticism on my post about putting the guy before my boyfriend, and I really reflected on it. I kept my distance for a while but him and his sister kind of got tangled in my life in a way? And he started working at my parents’ restaurant, so it was inevitable to see him. The point is, my boyfriend told me it was okay if we were cordial as long as we didn’t cross any lines, so we became friends! Oh, and Boyfriend and I are still together!!!

Well, I recently learned about why they don’t like each other. Apparently, the guy, who I’ll name Guy, used to be a violin prodigy since he was little. Like, classically trained and used to fill theaters. I don’t know much about music but my boyfriend, his dad, and even Guy himself say that he really was a big deal.

Guy and Boyfriend were childhood friends and did everything together. Well one time AGES ago, Guy and Boyfriend had a fight because Guy was getting very close to Boyfriend’s dad (don’t know much about that). Later that week, one of Boyfriend’s friends went and broke Guy’s hand. Guy tried physiotherapy and exercises but it was never the same. Guy insists my boyfriend told his friend to do that, but my boyfriend says he had nothing to do with it. That’s why they don’t like each other.

They’re kind of neutral now, I think. We even went and got drinks together with another friend once. For all of you who kept saying I’m a terrible girlfriend, I did make up for it and we’re better than ever now. So, yeah, that was the update!

Okay edit:

1. Guy is seeing someone so stop saying we’re together
2. The person that hurt Guy said Boyfriend had nothing to do with it, so don’t accuse him of that.
3. Guy can still play the violin, he just doesn’t think he’s as good (but he still sounds great)

so it didn’t ruin his career, he just thinks he sounds wonky

1. No lives have been ruined. We’re on our 20s. It’s too soon to say that someone’s life is ruined.

2. I am very happy and so is Boyfriend.

I only decided to update because everything is finally going well!

I have a friend I’ve been close with for a very long time, but lately, I’ve been questioning our friendship.
When I broke up with my ex, she constantly told me I should have ended things sooner and gave me a long list of things I needed to do to heal. When I started talking to someone new, she repeatedly told me he had red flags but wouldn’t actually explain what they were. Instead, she would say things like, “You won’t listen to me anyway.”
Recently, it feels like every time I share something with her, she responds with negativity rather than support. For example, when I was excited about finding clothes for my new job, she responded with, “It’s just a retail job.” When I was talking about the new city I had moved to, she told me that was the only good thing about it.
It feels like no matter what I share with her, she always finds a way to point out the negative or make whatever I’m excited about seem insignificant. Her response to this negativity is that she’s just worried about me. She tends to focus on everything that could go wrong, often saying things like, “Well, you could fail.”
I understand that worrying about someone can come from a place of love, and I know that friends should be able to express concerns and be honest with each other. But constantly being reminded of everything that could go wrong makes it difficult to enjoy the things I’m excited about. Sometimes, I just want to share something positive without having to think about every possible worst-case scenario.
I finally brought it up to her and explained that her comments were stressing me out and hurting my feelings. Her response was that it was just my insecurities and that she talks this way with all her other friends, so she doesn’t understand why she can’t do the same with me.
What bothers me most is that when I expressed how her words were affecting me, instead of trying to understand my feelings, she made it about my insecurities.
I’ve been friends with this person for a long time, which makes this difficult. I don’t want a friend who blindly agrees with everything I do, and I’m not asking anyone to sugarcoat the truth. I just want a friend who can express concern without constantly making me feel discouraged, judged, or incapable.
Am I wrong for feeling hurt by this, or is there a difference between a friend who worries about you and a friend whose negativity ends up bringing you down? I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too sensitive or if this friendship has become more negative than supportive.