Last Saturday I was invited to my sister’s son’s 7th birthday. I was told I was in charge of preparing the food which I had no problem doing as I enjoy cooking. So I spent all of the day before and the morning of making enough salads,finger food, sandwiches and desserts to feed about 20 people. The party started at two and I didn’t get there till 2:30 as there was a lot of unexpected traffic on my journey. When I got there I saw several take out pizza boxes. I apologized and explained to everyone that I was late and I said I’ll go and get the food out of the car, then my sister said “ no worries we don’t need it anymore, we felt like some pizza after all”. I was really mad but I didn’t want to make a scene and ruin my nephews day so I gave him his gift and then Irish goodbyed after ten minutes. When I got home I checked my phone and saw about 10 missed calls and text from my sister asking where I am. I haven’t talked to her since AITA?

My sister has 2 boys (Ed and Ton) who are twins, and a girl.

For their 11th birthday me and my partner bought the boys 2 presents to share. A duo combat robot set, operated by remotes so the robots can combat eachother. And a technical robot building set. We usually give identical gifts but this time we thought they can play together with the set and build the robot together as they enjoy building sets as well. We told them specifically that both presents were for the both of them. Then they each unwrapped one of the presents and played mostly with the combat robot set.

A few months later my sister asked me via the family WhatsApp to buy the duo combat robot set again for Ton because he’s jealous of the gift his brother received, and is said that he can’t play with it. I told her the robot set is his as well, both presents were for the both of them to share. My sister replied that Ed insists it’s his exclusively and that he doesn’t allow his brother to play with it. He’s playing with it their sister and with other kids but not with his twin brother. I told her we can call them or tell them next time the presents are for both of them. My partner also has a twin brother and finds it ridiculous that they not sharing their communal gift, especially after my sister explained again it was for both of them. Ed insists he owns the duo combat set and that he will not share it. Ed doesn’t even allow Ton to play with it when he’s not using it. Tom can never touch it.

My mom said we are the cause of Tom’s sadness so we should make it up with rebuying the robot set.

My partner insists that it’s ridiculous that the request is for us to buy another duo combat set, bc the parents are letting Ed claim the gift for himself exclusively. My sister then bought Ton the same duo robot combat set herself. She was annoyed I didn’t rebuy it. Both boys now use their own duo set to play with their sister.

My mom says I should not have been so strict and more understanding of Ton s disappointment. For me the pattern in general of the kids taking things for granted rubs me the wrong way. If they don’t like a gift they just drop it to the floor, or say they don’t like it, or walk away without looking at me without any thanks.

Anyway my mom and sister say I handled this wrong, I Should have made it up to Ton.

I learn from this to give gift cards from now on, with the same amount.

AITA?

Edit:

We gave 2 presents for both of them to share:

-a duo combat robot set that requires 2 players to operate 2 robots. So they could play together. This is the set that’s causing the row.

- a technical robot building set.

We really made an effort to get them appropriate gifts as they have been condescending about a few previous gifts.

We always have given them 2 same gifts before. This one time we made an exception to be honest to double the chance of them liking at least one of the two gifts.

I live with my husband in a standalone house. My husband goes to the gym at 5:15 for a workout class. I usually get up at 7:30.

So I'm asleep and knocking wakes me up at 6:30am. It is pitch black at 6:30am where I live. I was not expecting anyone or anything but I thought maybe my husband locked himself out? So I went to the door and asked who it was.

The guy says he is delivering a DoorDash from Walgreens. I know I had not ordered anything from doordash or walgreens. (We get UberEats like once a month.) I told the guy to just leave the delivery by the door. But he insists someone over 21 have to sign for it. I called my husband but he didn't pick up. I told the guy I'm not opening up since I didn't order anything. The DoorDash guy knocked again insisting that I open up and sign b/c he had more deliveries. I yelled at him to leave and he said my voice sounds faint and if I could come closer to the door. I told him to go away b/c I was not opening up the door and told him I was calling 911. After a minute, he left while I'm on the phone with 911.

At 6:50am, my husband calls me back. Apparently he did place an order for nasal strip from walgreens this morning before he left for the gym and selected same day delivery. This is the first time he had ordered from Walgreens and he thought it would be dropped off like a package and he didn't see anything on the website about signing for it which was why he placed the order in the morning and why he did not tell me about his order.

My husband then tells me the order was marked delivered. I check outside and the delivery guy did not leave the package anywhere outside.

AITA to the delivery guy? I feel bad b/c he was trying to do his job. But it was very dark outside, I was alone and I had never had to sign for any package, including medicine, unless it was over a set $ amt and I knew my husband wouldn't be spending $500 without telling me.

I did think there was a chance my husband ordered something, which was why I tried to call him. But we never use doordash so that was also very odd and the fact the delivery guy insisted on a signature was very odd. My neighborhood is pretty safe but I was also alone at home.

ETA: My husband did NOT place a doordash order. He ordered the strips directly from Walgreen's website and selected free same day delivery. No where on the site did it mention DoorDash or needing a signature.

Thank you everyone for your insight. I looked around some more and hopefully the doordasher was able to return the product to Walgreens and keep his delivery fee for unable to obtain the signature. I am also buying a doorbell camera. My husband also said for future same day orders he will place them after he gets home.

I've been living alone in my own apartment in the city for years. I’m not an introvert or anything, and I’ve had a few close friends stay over before. One of my good friends is having his place renovated next month, and it’s going to take a few weeks, so I offered to let him stay at my place until the renovations are done.

A few days ago, my dad called to tell me that his second cousin was coming to my city for surgery after breaking his shin in an accident recently. Dad asked if I could let him and his family stay at my place before and during the surgery. From what I understand, they’ll be staying in the city for about a month, or until the doctor gives them the all-clear to go home.

I told my dad I wasn’t comfortable having people I literally don’t know stay at my place for that long. Sure, we’re technically family, but I’ve never even met these people. I might consider letting one person I don’t know stay over, but six strangers for an entire month? I just don’t think I could do that.

On top of that, I travel out of the city for work quite often, and the thought of leaving six people I barely know alone in my apartment while I’m away makes me uncomfortable.

I also told my dad that I’d already offered to let my good friend stay with me for a few weeks while his place is being renovated. He’s someone I actually know and am close to, so obviously I’m much more comfortable having him stay over.

Dad got really upset and accused me of refusing to help family in need. Am I in the wrong here?

My (33F) workplace is hiring, and my best friend (33F), who is being laid off, is perfectly qualified. She wants me to refer her, but I said no.

Years ago, we were coworkers, and while she was never my supervisor, she received a promotion that placed her above me in the office hierarchy. At first, I was so happy for her, but soon after, she began treating me like her personal assistant. She frequently asked me to do things far outside the scope of my role like manage her daily schedule and coordinate freelance jobs she did outside of our workplace. She tried to delegate her responsibilities (both personal and professional) to me. Once she demanded that I pick up her dry cleaning, which I obviously refused. I felt like she was taking advantage of our friendship, especially since she wasn’t my boss, but she didn’t understand why I was upset and got angry that I wouldn’t just follow her orders. I was the only person on staff she treated like this, and I spent so much time arguing with her about it. She has never apologized or tried to understand my feelings. The problem never got solved. She just left that job for another one. It was one of those things I decided I just had to let go of in order to continue the friendship, and I figured that we would probably never work together again anyway.

If I refer her to the open role at my current job, she won’t be my boss, but she will technically work above me, which is the same situation as before. I know she wants this job, but I don’t want to refer her unless she apologizes, and even then, I'm honestly skeptical. She still doesn’t want to apologize or even acknowledge that what she tried to do at our previous job was messed up. She’s furious at me. We’ve been friends for almost ten years, and she thinks I’m being selfish for not helping her out, but I think I’m just protecting myself from a potentially bad situation at work. She has more than enough freelance work right now to pay the bills and more money saved than she knows what to do with, so it’s not like the situation is dire. So, am I the asshole for not referring her?

My husband spends ALL of his time after work outside! Nothing noble though, just drinking, smoking, scrolling, talking, texting or whatever. I get off work and pick up our son from daycare and by the time we get home he’s already outside.

If our son wants to see his dad he has to go out there, dad scarcely comes inside, only if asked and even then it’s with an attitude.

Anyway I make dinner then have to go out and tell him it’s ready then he comes in when he decides. Well, tonight I said screw it, ok not telling him he can just eat when he comes in. Now he’s mad I didn’t tell him dinner was ready.

I just feel like if he spent any time inside with the family he would know dinner is ready.

AITAH for not telling him?

I 21 F went on my first hinge date ever with a guy I’ll call A 26 M. Myself and A have been speaking on hinge for the past two weeks- it is the most effort I’ve ever put into a hinge date as I have terrible taste and most of the men I’ve previously matched with became creepy very fast. This guy seemed nice, committed to his work and future and very respectful. I met him at my favourite pub and he was an hour late- honestly this wasn’t really an issue as I know how fucked public transport can be. Anyway he arrives buys me a drink and all is well until he asks “did I tell you I have a kid?” I obviously said no as he’d never brought up this child I then asked some very basic questions such as “what’s their name?” and “do you live with them”. Now by this point I’d already decided this was going nowhere because I’m 21 living with my parents and I’m only just starting my career- having a partner with a child is a commitment I’m simply not prepared for or willing to take on but because of how incredibly anxious I was about the date and about being with a man I don’t know in general I just went along with it like it wasn’t a concern- which was probably an asshole move in hindsight- being straight up would’ve made this ordeal a lot easier. Anyway his response to my questions was to say “we aren’t going to talk about that we are going to have a good night” which screamed red flags to me. I texted my mum and we planned an escape. She called me pretending to be locked out and I (badly) played along and we had a “fight” on the phone. He bought it and I left the pub and got picked up by my mum. He texted me asking if I got home safe and I just blocked him. Part of me feels like I don’t owe him an explanation because he kept something really quite massive secret until I was stuck with him in person which caused me to act in fight or flight. On the other hand I feel a little guilty for not giving him an explanation because he seems like a relatively nice guy.
I don’t know- am I the asshole?

So i live in a small area wouldnt say its a lowerclass area but wouldnt say upperclass its just on the cozy side and its a mix of elderly and kids and a handful of childfree young adults like myself and partner. So i work 5 days a week 9-5, so on my days off i like to relax and catch up with cleaning and my shows what any child free person does when not socialising.

So the other day after i finshed cleaning up etc i sat down with my cuppa to watch american horror story and as we all know that is not a show for kids, i was watching it in the afternoon when the sun was still up and shining, and someones kid decided they wanted to watch along with me, not a clue what they saw but was enough to make them mention it to their parents. then the mum has come to my door shouting at me to either shut my curtains during the day or watch a kid friendly show.

Id like to mention my tv isnt fully visable from the window as the tv is on the wall next to the window so youd have to really be looking in to even just see half to 3 quaters of the tv and i dont want to shut the curtains as i suffer with depression and like to have natural light in the room as it makes me feel better as i hate when curtains are pulled during the day and i also feel i shouldnt have to adapt to what someone else wants in my own home when i dont even know them and their kids decided to be nosey, like cant they teach their kid not to be nosey or suffer the consenquences of what they may see?

My partner just says to suck it up to keep the peace and do as they ask as we wouldnt want our future kids seeing that kind of stuff either. Like yeah i wouldnt but if they were noseying in someones house id deal with the fact my kids nosey first then tell them its ok and explain it if they have questions to let them know if what they saw is ok to do in real life.

AITA for not wanting to change what i do, when and how for people i dont even know the names of?

I speak Spanish and my sister-in-law only knows a few words. The last few family gatherings she has asked me to translate long conversations with my relatives who do not speak English, and it ends up taking the whole evening. I am thinking about telling her ahead of the anniversary dinner that I will not be translating anymore, partly because I want to enjoy the meal myself and partly because she has not tried to learn any more on her own. My partner thinks it is a small favor to ask, but I already spend most family events jumping between two languages.

Our plane hit some serious turbulence. People were screaming, grabbing their seats, and praying.
Meanwhile, I started laughing uncontrollably. Not because I thought it was funny, but because apparently my brain handles the possibility of death like a comedy special.
The woman next to me yelled, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

I guess I handle things stressful differently.

Hey reddit, this is my first post so forgive me if its written weirdly. I (20F) am considered the black sheep of my family, bright purple hair, lots of piercings, different statement clothes, and tattoos. I have different interests, and have always been made to feel that im not going to get anywhere in life with how i look. my mom, dad, and sister are all relatively "normal" and by that i mean basic white family in the midwest. Fast forward to recently, my sister (24F) got engaged to her fiance, and they have been very happy, planning their life together, and i was very happy for them. my sister had asked me and my two cousins to be bridesmaids, and i was excited, until she laid it all on me. i have to take out both lip piercings, have only studs in my nose and flip up my septum, which sucks but it's not the worst part. For anyone wondering, i am a licensed hair dresser, and ive had so many hair colors but i have settled on the purple i have now. I havent had a natural color since high school, so when my sister says i have to have a natural hair color for her wedding photos, i was a bit put off to say the least. I was upset about it and didnt really address it for a bit, until she cornered me in the living room and very snarkily said "so what color are you doing for the wedding?" and i tried to explain that it wasn't that easy. Going back to a vivid color like that after a natural fresh color is just not feasible to be done quickly or without damage. i tried to suggest something more temporary like a wig, but "she just dont think they will look good in the photos".

So reddit, i asked everyone i knew, and outside of my family everyone has said that its a weird ask. And dont get me wrong, shes an ex photographer and has dreamed of her wedding her whole life, and i understand that, i get wanting the picture perfect day, and wanting great photos. I just dont understand why i as a bridesmaid have to change my body for her big day for one day.

i asked her a few weeks ago when she came in for the hair cut specifically what about the purple hair will not go with the photos, and i was polite, just trying to get a reasoning to understand where she was coming from. she would not give me a straight answer, saying "oh you know its just, i dont know its just, ya know" and honestly that pissed me off.

this is where i may be the asshole. The wedding is in seven months and im debating. If i refuse to conform and change all of this for her wedding day, would i be the asshole? at this point i know that she loves me because shes my sister, but she doesnt like me, and i can't tell if that's worse than the backlash i will get from the whole family for just standing up for myself. My hair and my creativity are who i am, my brand, and how i exist. To me, she should have me there as i am or i just wont come.

When I was in my freshman year of high school, I (F14), fell in love with this guy named Scott (M14). We were together up until my sophomore year of college when he came up to me out of the blue. He told me that he didn’t feel like himself anymore, almost as if a part of him had been missing. When I told him he was confused he came out to me as transgender. Though I was hurt in the beginning, I ultimately understood and we continued to date for a couple of months, before inevitably breaking up due to wanting different things. We promised to stay friends and that has genuinely been great. She’s been there for me through difficult times in my life (such as my uncle passing) and I’ve been there for her through her coming out to her parents and friends and everyone else. All it did was make our bond stronger. Fast forward to now, I’m 26 and met another guy named Rowan close to a year ago. I never told him about Scarlett (Scott) being trans until now, mostly because it didn’t seem important, at all. (I don’t get what the big deal is, and still don’t). Recently, however, I was going through my childhood photos and showed him one with me and Scarlett pre-transition. He asked me who it was, and I was honest, yet then he started blowing up at me and yapping about how “friendships with exes never work” and that “she was going to turn me gay” which all felt very ridiculous. I told him that Scarlett and I have known each other for a really long time and have been and are very close to this day. Our relationship, while I understand that it was long, I think was more of an internal battle for understanding for Scarlett. I’m mainly upset that he thinks I’d cheat on him with someone I dated like 5 years ago. He won’t listen to any of my reasoning but I really treasure mine and Scarlett’s relationship and I don’t know if I could give that up for a guy i haven’t even spent a year with. Rowan and I haven’t talked for nearly 2 days now and I’m scared He’s going to start forcing me to choose. However I’m a little nervous because I have heard all of the stigma surrounding being friends with your ex and I do understand how that can be worrisome. Am I the asshole?

First post, excuse my formatting.

So recently my boyfriend’s father found a kitten on the side of the road. Their family took it in and cared for it for a couple weeks. His mother (Shannon) took over care of the kitten during that time. They ended up deciding that I could take it off their hands as they already have around 7 cats and I only have 1, that needed a playmate.

Before Shannon gave me the kitten, she (what i thought was jokingly) specified in no certain words, that i couldn’t change the name and id have to send photos everyday.
When I brought the kitten home i already had a name picked out. I figured it was pretty normal to change the names of newly adopted animals especially kittens.

So it turns out she wasn’t joking about the name or the pictures and pulled my Bf aside and told him he should think about it breaking it off with me because i didn’t respect her? And yelled at him something along the lines of “if she wants to be apart of this family she needs to respect us and act like it.” And “i asked for two simple things and i’ve gotten neither.” Now Shannon is treating bf differently and me very rudely.

My mother and bf don’t think i did anything wrong but i can’t help but have a pit in my stomach about it. i don’t think i should change the name back at this point, but im wondering if i should feel worse about this than i currently do? Am i the asshole?

We have a pretty small two-bedroom and I work early mornings. Her boyfriend has basically moved in without us ever actually discussing it, and he's loud, uses all the hot water, and I'm exhausted. I brought it up nicely at first but she got defensive saying I'm being controlling. Now I've told her no weeknight sleepovers or I'm finding a new place. Am I being unreasonable?

I (20's, F) was babysitting my 4 month old nephew last week. I've babysat him many times before and it's gone well, but this most recent time was a disaster.

My nephew suddenly wouldn't settle, no matter what I did. His parents were 3hrs away from us, and I knew I needed to get him calmed down - so I called my partner "Jack" (20's, M) instead. He's really amazing with babies, my nephew always seems soothed with him. We've babysat him together before. Plus he was the closest person distance wise, and I needed help ASAP.

Jack came over, and helped me settle baby. I sent a picture to my sister afterwards, explaining that I had to call in reinforcements but everything's good now. My sister got mad. She told me that I shouldn't "volunteer to babysit if I can't handle it". I explained that this situation wasn't the norm and usually I manage well, and she said "The baby's your responsibility, not Jack's. You should have figured it out on your own".

AITA for calling for help while babysitting?

My brother (34) asked me to watch his dog for 9 days while he went on a trip with his wife. I said yes. I have a small apartment but I like the dog so no problem.

This is important. He dropped her off with one small bag of food. It was gone by day 4. I bought two more bags, $68 total. On day 6 she threw up all over my rug and I had to rent a carpet cleaner, $35. I also took off a day of work to bring her to a vet because she wouldnt stop shaking. $120 for the visit. Turned out she was just stressed and the vet said she'd be fine.

When he came back I handed him a printout. $223. He laughed, then he saw I was serious. He said "we're family, family doesnt charge family." I said family also doesnt leave one bag of food for 9 days and walk away. He hasnt paid.

Now my mom is calling me. She says it's a dog not a business, and that I embarrassed him in front of his wife. She says I should just let it go because he'd do the same for me. He has never watched anything of mine, I dont even own a pet.

I don't really care about the money. I just dont want to be the person who eats the cost every time. But everyone is making me feel like the bad guy so, AITAH?

My moh, along with several of my other bridesmaids are currently pregnant. I have already decided that my bachelorette will be optional, as I think it’s crazy when brides force their party to come to these things. My moh has decided that it will be her responsibility to plan the bachelorette, which I have no problem with. However, she will be 3 months postpartum when I would want my bachelorette to be. Again, even my moh is not required to go. However, since she’s planning it, she said that she HAS to plan activities that are child friendly as she will be bringing her 3 month old to the bachelorette. I feel like a better resolution would be that her boyfriend/ baby daddy stays in a hotel with the baby, and she joins him after all of the activities instead of staying with the other bridesmaids and I in an air bnb. Not to make it child friendly. I don’t have kids but a lot of my bridesmaids do/ will. I haven’t even brought it up to anyone yet as I am newly engaged and haven’t even asked some of them if they would accept being a bridesmaid. My fiancé’s sister, who is about one month ahead of my sister, is also pregnant and thinks that it’s insane for my moh to have those expectations of me for my bachelorette, as her husband is also in the wedding party and they are trying to decide what to do. But my mother seems to be siding in part with my moh, which is leading me to think maybe I’m in the wrong, but I feel like it’s not insane for me to want to go wild and not have to think about the fact that there are babies there. What do yall think?

So little backstory- I have always been considered the "ugly duckling" of my family. My sister is a professional model and semi actress and very gorgeous. Ive known this my whole life and I accepted it a long time ago id never measure up. We also come from a hot rod building family so everyone in my family has a classic muscle car and its been just pur identity for ya know ever. A few years ago my car was hit in a super severe accident and I've spent the last few years bringing her back. (Insurance was a bitch) and the only thing my car is missing is paint. Right now its primer.

Ok so with that out of the way- my mother who while good intentioned always compares me to my sister pushing hair and makeup products on me (my skin reacts badly to it so i dont wear makeup) and its just a thing I've always had to endure.

Unfortunately with the rise of AI some people in the car community (again great guys but they don't understand a lick of AI) have been sending me AI generated edits of my car with paint. I ignore it i pass it off.

So the last few days Ive gotten a slew of AI generated pics but theyve included me. But theyve obviously used my sister as an inspiration making me look like her. This is already ticking me off.

An hour ago I got pictures (not AI) of me when I was visiting my parents by my mom. She went on this tirade about how much better id look if I did this or that. Ive told her 1000 times in the past to stop taking photos cause I know she sends them to extended family and car friends.

Between the 2 situations I completely lost it yelling at her that she needs to stop taking photos of me and im tired of the conpare and contrast game with my sister.

My dad called me saying I need to stop yelling at her that I need to appreciate that she wants me to be like my sister whos successful with an upcoming TV show a modeling career a long time boyfriend etc etc. She doesn't know any better and I need to give her a break.

I snapped at him saying she doesn't respect me or understand consent taking photos without my permission and sharing them and that those photos can be scrapped and used for AI and I was already dealing with that crap. I told him Im tired of everyone saying I need to look like my sister and I honestly dont give a flying shit if I have a boyfriend or a house or a TV show.

Now hes telling me that im being disrespectful and that AI is just life and well have to just "accept it" and to ignore the pictures. I feel like crying right now cause its like no one has respect for me my body my car anything that I am. A friend says im being overdramatic since my mom has always been difficult but idk its just too much at once

My wife and I recently got married, and this will be our first Thanksgiving as a married couple.
For some background, my wife has always spent Thanksgiving at her parents’ house, and same for me on my end. We moved closer to our families (same hometown) but we haven’t had to deal with splitting time before. We’ve always done our own thing with friends or each other.

This year I was hoping we could celebrate Thanksgiving with both of our families. We initially explored the possibility of having everyone together, but my father-in-law said he wouldn’t be able to accommodate my family at their house.

Given that, I suggested what I thought was a reasonable compromise: splitting Thanksgiving Day between our families. We could spend part of the day with her parents and part with mine. That way, neither of us has to miss out on seeing our families, especially during our first holiday season as a married couple.

However, my wife is unwilling to split the day. She wants to spend Thanksgiving at her parents’ house, as she always has in the past. They do a “big cook” together and it takes all day, so I do see why logistically it may be hard.

My frustration isn’t that she wants to see her family. I completely understand that. It’s that I feel like now that we’re married, holidays should involve some compromise rather than automatically continuing the traditions of one side of the family.
I don’t think it’s fair that I’m expected to sacrifice spending Thanksgiving with my family simply because her family has an established tradition.
I feel like I’m proposing a reasonable middle ground, but she doesn’t see it that way. Our parents live less than 10 minutes apart from each other.

TLDR: AITA for pushing to split Thanksgiving between our families instead of agreeing to spend the entire holiday with hers?

Roommate randomly bought 2 whiteboards and putting grocery lists months ago. I noticed one seemed personal and the other seemed communal (deodorant vs. trash bags). I started buying things off the communal list and crossing them off without ever talking about it.

Today I noticed air fresheners. She has 2 pets so she uses them often. I lost my sense of smell years ago. I don’t think I should buy something that doesn’t seem communal. AITA for ignoring the item?

Backstory: Roommate and I don’t speak after a falling out. She knows I lose my sense of smell. I don’t bring guests over and neither does she. I’m saving to move out. If I try to talk to her, she shuts down and gets upset. She told me she only wants a roommate because she can’t afford to live alone.

My husband and I rent a house. Im 32 hes 34. My best friend 33F lives with us and has for 2 years now as she was leaving a relationship with kids. My friend and I have been friends since we were very little so this isnt one of those stories with a short friendship and moving in drama.

​To my point. We have butt heads a few times. The lease and all the bills are in our name. We pay everything aside from the rent we charge her. When she has an issue with us, we try to listen and work through it so everyone is happy. If we have an issue with her its WW3. Now the newest issue i need to know if im being an asshole about.

​She has been gone for weeks at her exes house with the kids. Thats totally fine! Do your thing girl. But today after 2 weeks she comes home and says her and all the kids have lice. I asked her politely why didnt you stay at your exes if his house is already infested vs bringing it to our house with our pets and kids. Her response was "if my kids have a cold are they not allowed here now too" of course thats not the case. I love her and I love her kids. But this isnt a cold or a flu, they could come with covid and id still love them. This is head lice. I have a huuuge fear of them from being a kid and being infested for 2 months straight and then having my parents chop all my hair off. Yes thats my fear to own. But I just dont understand why she didnt stay where she was with the infestation vs bringing it home with her. It seems selfish to me. Her and her ex have a good relationship and as far as I understand they are working things out so its not a matter of her not being able to stay there. She told me she didnt want to deal with the clean at his house. Soo you want me to deal with it here? She doesnt clean uo after heraelf or her kids. It just seems incredibly unfair when she has other options vs infesting not only a second home but actually a third home because the kids got it from their dayhome. When I tried to talk to her she just lost it on me. Saying things about how she cant work if they dont go to day home and all these outlandish things I never even brought up. I can imagine shes stressed but for me to be attacked about it im not happy.

​Am I the asshole for asking that she dealt with it where she already was??

To start this off, I (28m) was asked to be a groomsmen at my best friends (28m) destination wedding.
Everything had started being planned back in 2024 and the wedding was scheduled to be overseas in 2026.

Initially when i had agreed and rsvp’d to the wedding i was at a decent place in my life and was able to afford the trip overseas financially and had PTO at work i was able to use.

Well, shortly after a Christmas 2024, i found out my fiance who i had been together with for 10 years was cheating on me. After i had confronted her, my whole life kind of took a downward spiral and i fell into a sort of depression. She had left and i was stuck paying for an entire house worth of rent (i was the only name on the lease) and taking care of HER dog that she left here (i loved that dog, so i was fine looking after it).

i went from having a comfortable financial situation to living pay-check to pay-check as the rent went from being split in half to now being shouldered solely by me. It got to the point where i had to sell alot of the things i had, including a car i had restored from the ground up just to make ends meet and pay for vet bills for the dog (she went ghost whenever i told her she needed to help pay for the dog)

So finally about a month before the wedding i reached out to him and told him I wouldnt be able to attend the wedding, as i could not afford to board the dog and spend $4500 in trip and accommodation for the wedding. I explained the entire situation and he seemed to understand, or so i thought.

The wedding came and went and i was slowly picking myself back off the ground. I was able to take sole ownership of the dog and she is much happier with me, and i moved into a place i could happily afford by myself and still save some money at the same time. I reached out time him shortly after i was back and sort of on my feet and got no response for multiple days which i thought was weird.

More time passes and more cold shoulder responses, until finally i called him out on it and he explained how he and his wife were super upset that i had backed out of the wedding “last minute” and that our relationship was essentially over. Which in turn i explained my situation and how everything fell apart for the second time to which he apologized and still said the relationship was strained.

Im honestly just looking for advice on this matter as I’ve continued to reach out and yet everything is the same.

AITA?

EDIT: I should’ve prefaced this, i went into a depression where i shut everyone out and went essentially MIA for roughly a year while i tried to gather myself back together, i had let my phone bill lapse and they had cut off my service for a few months as i couldnt afford all the bills and i felt my phone was the least important (i had also cut off internet at the house to save money aswell) so yes i couldve reached out sooner to tell him but i was too much in shambles to do so. This however is not an excuse but just a clarification of what had happened in that time span

My wife's grandmother passed away last Friday. We knew she was on her last days, but we never knew when she was going to pass. The thing is, about 2-3 months ago, my sister invited a bunch of us to a parents' night out. Specifically asking us to get a nanny and everybody else so that we could enjoy a board game night. That night out is this coming Saturday. After the death of my wife's grandmother on Friday, she flew out on Saturday while I stayed back with both of our kids, who are 3 and 4. And then I joined her on Sunday for the funeral service and the burial. It was my full intention to stay until Tuesday, but something happened with childcare and I had to move my flight earlier. I basically was there for 24 hours. I was there during the burial, during the hard time, and was present for her. Upon my return, I have been doing all with the kids on my own. I wake them up, get them ready, get their lunch and breakfast ready, take them both to school, pick them up, and then I am with our nanny the entire day until she bathes them and then I take them to sleep. This is typically a two-man job, but in order for my wife to grieve properly, I told her to take the time she needs. And that I will take care of everything here.

Now, my sister is asking for confirmations to see if we will be able to make it. It seems my wife forgot about the parents' night out, because when I brought it up, there was silence on her end. I then told her that I would enjoy to go, since it's my side of the family and we are already got a nanny for the night. I didn't see her and she didn't say anything, but in her tone, she was clearly upset and essentially said, "Goodbye, I'm going to do grieving stuff," and hung up.

Am I the asshole in this situation for wanting a night out with my family, which was scheduled months ago? After me being there for my wife's family during the hardest time?

My wife stayed back for a Catholic procedure called the novena, where they do daily prayers until the ninth day, which would be this upcoming Sunday. On that day, she will return home. All of this is happening in another country, and she is staying with her family, running errands regarding the death of her grandmother, while I stay here and I'm tending to the kids and the day-to-day.