I do bedtime every night and currently find myself here in my day dreams or passing thoughts in mid meetings when i can’t hang out with the little one.

You’re doing the best you can in the current moment. We have our faults, but keep holding onto these moments for the rough patches. you got this! lurking moms and dads alike

cred to not perfect dad on fb, the reel made me tear up a bit.

I really really don't want 3 kids. It's the whole reason why I got a vasectomy. It was "Successful" according to my results and my doctor. I don't know what to do. My two are 7 and 4. Almost both school aged. I don't know what to do. It's her decision but I don't want 3 kids.

Today was my son's closing day of school, and he's officially on holiday until January.

We're planning a trip to the village so he can spend time with the Great grandma,grandma,Cousins, play outside, and enjoy being a kid before the next school year begins.

Watching my wife try to parent the little version of herself (our daughter) and hearing the words "Can you just relax!?" come out of her mouth.

Words that I have spoken to my wife many times. Yes I know it doesn't work. We both know it doesn't work. But it happens, and I enjoyed hearing it come from her for once!

we're a little over a month in and feeding has been a challenge since day one.

at first her milk took a day or two too long to come in, so we did two forumla bottle feeds and they were so easy! give her the bottle, burp her a few times during and after, then she knocked herself right out.

once the milk supply came in wife was determined to EBF. she seems to have an ok supply, we're getting a decent amount of wet nappies, but its everything else that is an issue:

• carpel tunnel in both hands from holding baby to the breast
• inconsistent latch
• really long feed times (sometimes over an hour)
• mastitis in one breast
• burning nipples needing creams
• low pump amounts
• greatly reduced sleep as the sole feeder.

we've seen 3 lactation consultants and the gp 4 times and to be honest, while its great to have such easy access to these services where i am, each one has given us conflicting advice each time. pump more, pump less, good latch, bad latch. use gas drops, don't use gas drops... super frustrating.

after todays gp visit, watching my wife get prescribed even more antibiotics, a litany of supplements, a new nipple cream, and a reference to a hand specialist, i couldnt help but think back to those two early nights when i bottle fed her formula while my wife slept. both times was the fastest we've settled the baby post feed and the longest sleep they've had.

we have friends who formula fed both their kids from day one and the husband swears by it--even offered to give us his old formula machine. he could take 6 hour stints with the baby while wife rested or did other things, he got more time to bond with the kids, they were seemingly less fussy, going out was a simple matter of packing a cooler with some bottles and washing bottles is trivial (we have to do that breastfeeding anyway because of pumping)

my wife knows both of us were formula babies, she doesnt deny that formula is fine, but she is adamant on continuing to breasfeed. and ultimately its her choice... just painful as the support husband to watch her draining her life out for this ideal.

I'm a relatively new dad, 2 year old and 2 month old, and tonight is the first night in my 2 year olds life where he doesn't get any sort of milk during the night. I was still "dream feeding" him a small amount around 11pm every single night, and loved doing that. Crawling into his bed, holding him up, feeding him the bottle, the weight of his body, truly cherished father/son moments.

We've decided that he doesn't need that anymore. He's 2, he's a sound sleeper, there's no need for this anymore. And I'm just devastated. I think I was doing this these past couple of months more for me than for him. There's so many tiny moments you have to say goodbye to, it's tearing me apart. I love the new versions of my son, of course, and eventually I will start to miss the person he is now, but for now, I don't know how to deal with it.

My second has made this even worse. Time flies even faster. The little fucker already smiles at me and tries to talk to me. I felt like this was taking ages for my first one, even though they are around the same pace in terms of development. Time is even more brutal with your second one. The newborn came and went and tada, here's your baby.

And then the comparisons. The first day I brought our second one home was when my first one, my tiny, little boy became a giant. Over night. Just like that. He's grown so much. His hands don't wrap around two or three of my fingers anymore, no, they reach for the palm of my hand now. His tiny little feet are huge in comparison to our baby.

I know I'm lucky, a lot of parents and fathers cannot wait for the baby stage to end, but I've been blessed with two beautiful boys whom I love very very much, and I know that these first four years with them will probably be the best for my life and I'm so scared of that time just slipping away. I cannot believe my boy is already two.

Dads, how do you deal with that?

We just got the school photo proofs from our first school photo, and I am in shock of what they’re charging. The cheapest package is $27.99 for 2 5x7s and 8 2x3s. You can’t just buy prints. I just want the school photo. I don’t need my kid holding a prop teddy bear. I don’t need the same shot in landscape. For digital (with poses I couldn’t care less about—I’m here for the school picture), it’s $69.99.

Have I turned into a cheap old curmudgeon, or is this out of control? We live in a higher cost of living area, but sweet mercy.

Tldr: talking toddler board games outside of Candyland and Chutes & Laddeds. Recs and experiences?

Long post: My son has impulse control issues that are causing conflicts at school. Teachers want him learning to communicate, collaborate, take turns and pay closer attention to rules. They've prescribed board games. Great! I'm a millennial dad-type human. I love board games! Let's see what we've got.

Blokus (that tetris-looking game) surprised me. I forgot we had it and it had literally never been opened. He focused right in on the shapes and just started filling the board and having a great time. He did that for like an hour and he's gone back to it several times. So far he's got no interest in learning the rules or taking turns, but he's counting and making shapes, so that's a big enough win on its own. Pictured us Blokus XL, btw, which is supposed to have bigger pieces than normal Blokus? Ngl I wish they were bigger. We've lost a few already and I'm lucky he's not the kind of kid that swallows random things (yet???). This is probably why the box says 6+.

Other pictures is either "Marble Board Game" or "Color Marble Chess" depending on if you're reading the box or the instruction book. His Mimi and Pop bought it for us. No idea where they got it. Decently fun game with turns and dice and counting movement. I've kind of got him taking turns on this one, and he understands you roll the dice then count the dots and move a marble, but so far marbles are just going anywhere with no real goal. We're working on it. Once again, close watch for small parts going wrong places.

Not pictured: Pictionary was surprisingly successful. Didn't imagine that. Almost didn't open it with him. He actually understands the board and moving the pieces, drawing a card, connecting the color of the square to the prompt on the card, and drawing what it says. Like, that's an impressive number of steps for a 3yo to keep lined up! But we don't take turns yet. We flip the sand-timer and draw together, then he tells me when we're out of time, and we both "guess" what we just drew. Not perfect, but the spirit of the game is definitely in play. I call this my biggest success.

We tried scrabble, too, and he understood making words out of the blocks. But this became him randomly arranging words and "Daddy what's this say?" followed by my best attempt and him laughing "Daddy! That's not a word!" Which, yeah, is super fun, and I'll keep doing that all day. Still trying to achieve the goals of teaching patience, turn taking, and communicating.

Anyway, anybody have any recommendations or worthwhile little stories to share? I feel like he's not quite ready to try my Lord Of The Rings RISK game yet, but I dunno. Pictionary was a surprise. I'm open to being surprised again.

My kid turns 7 next month so I decided to clean out the toy bin this weekend to make room (mistake). Found four birthday gifts from last year that each got maybe a day of play. The dinosaur that roared, a building set thats missing half its pieces , a remote car with a dead battery we never replaced.

Hes not ungrateful, he just loses interest in 48 hours and moves on. I was the same kid. But at this rate i feel like im just funding a landfill one birthday at a time.

My sister got him shoes last year, made a bit of an occasion out of it, and he wore them into the ground. Cant tell if shoes were the right play or if im just turning into the practical gift dad and calling it wisdom.

Hi guys, I am a 30m with a 32yo wife, 3yo daughter, and 5mo son. Both our kids are in M-F daycare and my partner and I work full time.

The title says it bluntly. Something needs to change.

I have a high skill trade job and a very irregular schedule. I’m about 5 years into my work so my wife and I knew this would difficult on the family schedule. My peak busy season is the Fall and Spring which has me working 80hr weeks back to the back with only 1 weeks notice beforehand of the exact hours. My poor wife has her WFH 9-5 job while managing daycare pickup/dropoff, nighttime routine, and laundry. I cook and clean which usually means I meal prep so they have options while I’m gone.

We have always been a 50/50 responsibilities couple which I still feel is true besides the fact that my time is taken up majorly with my work. We could maybe manage me shifting to a career that pays 25% less but then our hopes for buying a home in the next couple of years goes out the door.

If you read through all that I really appreciate you.

The main mindf*ck is that my wife has been breaking down some of the nights I am working late. She’ll text me “I can’t do this anymore” ,”something needs to change”, and “I feel like a single mom”. This breaks my heart and I have even overextended my boss’ patience to rush home. We hire a babysitter to help with my toddlers bedtime routine as much as possible but that has been hard on her(my daughter) obviously. It also feels like I’m just spending the additional money I’m making with this job on a babysitter.

I have made it clear to my wife that I would quit in a heartbeat if she asked me to. She never has and is always calmed once I’m home again and we talk. However, this scenario is bound to keep repeating itself and I don’t know how much longer our family can sustain it.

Has anyone experienced a similar dilemma? If so, what advice do you have in choosing between your family’s mental wellbeing when their financial wellbeing is on the line?

Here's to many more mediocre cakes!

I’m not sure how else to put this, but I was always very career driven. I didn’t particularly want kids, but I absolutely adore my wife, and after months and months of talking it out, we decided to conceive. Had our first in 2021 and our whoops baby in 2022. In those two years I took a cumulative 9 months off of work. Those first two years were tough; not gonna lie. There were times I resented my wife for wanting it. But now I feel like my original purpose has been so disrupted and in the best possible way. I thought work was important and now it’s… just not. I want what’s best for my kids and will do what I can to provide, but realistically, the “me” in this equation has completely gone out the window and I am SO fucking okay with it. People talk about your life getting put into perspective, but I didn’t really think it would be to this degree.

Anyway… is anyone else getting more comfortable with abandoning themselves to just be “dad?”

The top one is my daughter's Fortune, the bottom one is mine.

My wife is 11 weeks pregnant and we just found out this morning it’s a girl. I’m stoked and terrified all at the same time. We have a 15 month old son, and can’t wait to see how he grows into being an older brother. And I’m looking forward to the adventure of raising a little girl. But man the thought of the expenses of another one is overwhelming and where are we even putting another baby in our little place. But hey just got to figure it out as we go I guess, it’s the best we can do!

Didn’t know what flair to use here, not really looking for advice just needed to put these thoughts somewhere because I can’t focus at work today after finding this out.

My oldest is turning 5 soon. Looking back, I can't belive I used to get frustrated and yell at him when he was 2 years old. It's breaking my heart. Even at 5, he still seems like a baby to me, trying to discover and learn the world. Don't be like me dads. Be better.

Hi fellow dads!

TL;DR: Oldest kid has issues making friends, and I'm trying to get him the help he needs while my brain is being mean to me.

So, I've discovered in the past few years that I'm somewhat autistic. Therapy, assessments, a wonderful partner, all lead me to take a look at my life, my childhood, the way I've been doing things and seeing the world in general, and it made a lot of things clearer, though there has also been a lot of painful realization.

One of the things that pushed me to get assessed was looking at my oldest kid (7M), and realizing that there's a lot of things I struggled with growing up that he is also struggling with. A big one is making friends.

Tonight, at bedtime, we talked about his day, and it led to him expressing that he doesn't have many friends, and that, when he can't play with them for whatever reasons, he just "walks around the yard and spy on people" (his way of saying that he's watching from a distance), and that he doesn't like doing that.

My heart broke for him, the pain and sadness in my little guy. Also, the guilt. The very invalid thought that it's my fault, that he would be okay if I was "normal". Again, I give this thought no credibility, but sometimes my brain can be a bit mean to myself.

He got all the hugs in the world, and we were able to finish bedtime with smiles and laughter, but I kinda broke down and cried a lot once I was by myself.

We talked about joining an after school activity, about meeting kids with common interests, and I'm looking into getting him in therapy, so I don't need too many suggestions, though I'm open to them. I'm writing this mostly so others can show me I'm not alone, and tell off my brain for being dumb right now.

Mom and I have been separated for a few years, haven't had the chance to discuss about it with her, will do so soon.

Realizing my kids are doing well academically but the system is behind. 5th grader is doing things I swear I learned in 3rd grade. Kindergartener is doing the exact same letter tracing worksheets she did at daycare…

We’re at one of the best schools in our area and I can tell the teachers are doing their best and have been helpful throughout.

So what activities are you doing for school-aged children to add to their education and teach them things that school might miss?

My wife and I are struggling with a family planning issue, and I'd appreciate hearing from dads who have been through something similar.

We have one child and had previously agreed that I would get a vasectomy this December. Leading up to that, we had essentially agreed to a "what happens, happens" approach regarding pregnancy.

In May, though, I realized something important: I couldn't honestly continue with that approach. I came to the conclusion that I do not want another child. Once I reached that point, I started avoiding sex during her fertile periods and told her directly that I didn't want more children.

Part of the reason is our experience with our first child. Pregnancy involved several complications, my wife went through significant postpartum struggles, and our child had health issues of their own. I watched both of our physical, emotional, and mental health deteriorate during that season of life. Even now, my wife often describes feeling like she's in a constant state of fight-or-flight.

What's complicated is that my wife has told me she's not even sure she wants another child herself. Her biggest concern seems to be that she doesn't want our child to grow up without a sibling. At the same time, she's in the process of starting a business, and our lives are arguably less suited for adding another child than they were the first time around.

The hardest part is that I understand why she's upset. Looking back, I can see how she feels that I effectively made the decision in May when I stopped participating in the "what happens, happens" arrangement, even though the vasectomy itself isn't scheduled until December.

The truth is that I don't feel uncertain anymore. I'm done. But I also recognize that my certainty doesn't make this any less painful for her.

For dads who have been in a similar situation:

• Did you ever realize you were done having kids before your spouse did?
• How did you navigate the feeling that one person was making a decision that affected both people?
• Did delaying a vasectomy help your marriage, or just delay an inevitable conflict?
• Looking back, what conversations do you wish you'd had differently?

I'm not looking for validation or for people to tell me my wife is wrong. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate this in a way that respects her feelings while also being honest that I don't want more children.

I hate how this resembles a lot of relationships.

Basically I finally stopped trying to have a good relationship with my dad because after 25 years of it I realized there's no point to it.

He is who he is and who he is is someone who will never put my first and will abuse me verbally just because he can.

I simply stopped texting and seeing him. I don't need his money and I have no energy left.

But.. I think he realized that and now is trying to connect with me again. He's been sending me random funny stuff on instagram, texting me, asking about me to my sister and things like that.

Honestly this is so fucking infuriating. Couldn't have he done that when I still wanted it? Now that I gave up on him he decides to be a father?

Is there a dad here who went through a similar situation? I'm trying to understand and not to judge. Thank you.

This is a story that is told time and time again, but it’s always good for those of us that haven’t heard it yet.

I’ve been getting very frustrated at bedtime recently.

Ever since she started kindergarten, it is a battle at bedtime. Tonight was no different.

I usually read a story, but she wanted to listen to one tonight. We finished Matilda, and then started The Twits on audiobook. The whole time she is thrashing around, throwing stuffed animals, telling me she “has a case of the wiggles”

I was starting to get frustrated. I asked her to stay in her room so I could let the dog back inside. I turn around in the kitchen, and guess who is standing there

I get annoyed, firmly ask her if she heard what I said. She replies “I know dad, but I just want to spend time with you.”

My heart breaks. It hits me immediately; that one day I won’t have this interaction anymore. She won’t want me to read her a bedtime story or fall asleep on my shoulder. She might not even want to spend time with me at all.

Soak up every second Dads. We aren’t promised anything but the here and now.

I can’t begin to put into words how I am feeling. As soon as she was on my wives chest, something just changed in my brain. Instant connection and love. And a deep change to the love I have for her mother.

I am sitting here, midnight, holding my baby while my wife is enjoying a well deserved sleep just thinking about everything I want to and will do for the two of them.

I just wanted to share this with you all, and welcome any advice and tips for the next few weeks.

🥜😉

Hey there fellow dads, please tell me I’m not the only one who responds poorly to midnight nosebleeds??