I genuinely don't understand something about life.
Why does it feel like the people who genuinely care about others, who help without expecting anything in return, who try their best to be decent human beings, are always the ones who end up losing?
Meanwhile, people who manipulate others, lie, use people for their own benefit, and move on when they're no longer useful seem to get ahead in life.
I know the world isn't a fairy tale, and I don't expect everyone to reward kindness. But sometimes it feels like being a good person is just making yourself an easier target.
I had a friend I met while studying abroad. When I first met him, he honestly knew almost nothing about technology or building a career in that field. We got along well, so I decided to help him.
For an entire year, I guided him through his career. I taught him things, showed him opportunities, helped him figure out what to do, and stood by him whenever he needed something. I put a ridiculous amount of time and effort into helping him become a better version of himself.
I wasn't keeping score. I wasn't expecting him to pay me back. I genuinely wanted to see him succeed.
And what happened in the end?
He started treating me badly and creating problems between us. I'm not even going to get into the details, because that's not really the point. The point is that I gave someone so much of my time, knowledge, and energy, and eventually ended up wondering why I had bothered in the first place.
And this isn't just about that one friendship.
I'm living abroad, trying to build a life for myself, and honestly, I struggle to connect with people. Dating feels almost impossible sometimes. Social anxiety doesn't help, and I don't even know where to start when it comes to meeting someone I can genuinely connect with.
Sometimes I look around and wonder how other people make it seem so easy. They find partners, build friendships, move forward with their lives. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm standing on the outside, watching everyone else figure out something that I somehow can't.
And the worst part is what all of this is starting to make me believe about myself.
Sometimes I genuinely feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Like maybe I'm just not someone people choose. Like maybe I'm not someone who's easy to love.
I hate admitting that, because deep down, I know I have things to offer. I care about people. I try to help. I think deeply about things. I want meaningful friendships and a relationship where two people genuinely give a damn about each other.
I'm not looking for perfection. I just want something real.
But after enough disappointments, you start questioning everything. You wonder whether you're being naive by being kind. Whether you should stop giving so much. Whether people only respect you when you have something they want, and whether being a genuinely decent person is even an advantage in this world.
I don't want to become bitter. I don't want to turn into someone who uses people before they get the chance to use me. But I'm tired of feeling like my intentions mean nothing.
So I want to ask you something.
Have you ever felt like being a good person has actually made your life harder?
Have you ever helped someone genuinely, only to watch them move on as if you meant nothing to them?
And for those of you who have been through this and eventually found good friends or a loving relationship, does it actually get better? Or is growing up just learning to expect less from people?
I'm genuinely asking, because lately, I could really use a reason not to become cynical about people.
